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Abridged Edition
Editor: Nino Ruffini
Final Edition, Revised
Second Printing
Copied Right, 966 GUE
All Rights Reversed
Copyright 1993
Nino Ruffini
Web Version 1.0
Webified by John Holder
Please report problems
with this version to him.
PDF Edition Copyright ©1997 John D. Holder
(a.k.a. The Thaumaturge Johnboz, jholder @ frii.com)
1“ PDF Edition, Tuesday, October 28, 1997
This document may be distributed freely.
Accardi-by-the-Sea is a small village in the
Westlands by the coast of the Great Sea, near
Borphee Harbor. Accardi's most famous geographic
feature is the nearby Razor Gorge, a deadly chasm
carved by a branch of the Borphee River. Because
most enchanters prefer the quiet of a town such as
Accardi over the hustle and bustle of a larger city,
Accardi has become a center of the magic industry.
The Accardi Guild of Enchanters is one of the most
influential in the entire land, and has given rise to
such famous magic-users as the Wizard of Frobozz
and Belboz.
Mumboz Agrippa was, at one point, a foreman for
the Frobozz Magic Cave Company. Heavily
involved with the hollowing of an ancient volcano in
the Eastlands, his job was related to the safety factors
involved in constructing caverns over very weak rock
strata. He also authored the book Construction of the
Empire.
Queen Alexis was, according to the Legend of
Wishbringer, the wife of Anatinus, and Queen of
Misty Island in ancient days. The legend tells that
Queen Alexis’ daughter, cursed by fate and prophecy,
was born blind. To ease her heavy heart, Alexis
kidnapped the peasant girl Morning-Star, and raised
her as the Princess. When Morning-Star came of age,
Alexis' awful envy caused her make six tough Love-
Quests to the knights seeking to marry Morning-Star,
and eventually to decree that her daughter "must
remain unmarried and virgin all her days." This Edict
caused Morning-Star's heart to harden into the magic
stone Wishbringer.
Amathrodonis was a terrible giant who terrorized
Accardi-By-The-Sea for many centuries. He was
finally vanquished by Belboz the Necromancer in
952 GUE, when the enchanter used showy
pyrotechnical magic to destroy the giant.
The Amulet of Aggthora was a legendary jewel
renowned for its powers of augury. In the year 957
the Amulet was in the possession of Belboz, and is
known to have glowed when near his location. This
property of the Amulet was crucial in the defeat of
Jeearr.
King Anatinus: According to the legend of
Wishbringer, the platypus Anatinus was once the
King of Misty Island, and husband to Queen Alexis.
Anatinus is best-noted for his decree that anyone
claiming the hand of his daughter must fulfill a Love-
Quest of Alexis' choosing. This decreed led to the
death of six young knights.
It is also known that a King Anatinus, presumably a
descendant of the original King, reigned on the island
during the time of The Evil One. Princess Tasmania,
the king's daughter, was twice rescued from dangers
by a human postal worker. The most important event
of the reign of this Anatinus was his generous award
to the postal worker who saved his daughter. By
bestowing the human with a wizard's hat, Anatinus
helped him to bring about the downfall of The Evil
One in the nearby village of Festeron.
Antharia, the Island Province, is 959 square bloits of
beautiful land right in the middle of the Great Sea.
The weather in Antharia is picture-perfect, except for
an occasional hurricane in late summer. Tourists to
Antharia bring in a remarkable business. No trip is
complete without a visit to the shipbuilding factories
of South Anthar, the marble mines in the Peltoid
Valley, the port of Marba, and the Bella Quease.
Mid-spring in Antharia brings the Marble Pageant,
followed in the summer by shark-wrestling in the
Flathead Stadium.
Antharia became a part of the Great Underground
Empire in 665, when the forces of Duncanthrax
vanquished the Antharian Armada at the famous
battle of Fort Griffspotter. Up to that time the island-
nation of Antharia was the world's premier sea
power, and this victory gave Duncanthrax undisputed
control of the Great Sea, and put the superb ship-
building facilities of Antharia at his disposal. The
conquest of Antharia also gave the kingdom access to
Antharia's famed granola mines. Unfortunately, no
one in Quendor liked granola.
For many years now Antharia has been ruled by a
council of four "Elders" - one from the Shipbuilding
Guild, one from the Granola Miners Guild, one from
the Marble Cutters Guild, and one from a popular
waterfront pub called "Emu's". Spenseweed is the
official flower of Antharia, and the island's motto is
"Hieya wizka," which translates to "Hello sailor."
The capital of Antharia is Anthar.
Antharia University, Ralph Waldo Flathead's alma
mater, is known for an academic program
specializing in obscure degrees such as Doctor of
Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of Excellent Elegies, and
Doctor of Octameter Odes. This University is
possibly one of the elite Moss-League colleges, but
our research team is not yet positive about this.
Antharian Cave Witches live in dark holes high in
the mountains of Antharia. These witches, usually
very antisocial, can sometimes be summoned by
coughing.
The Aragain Brothers Circus employs a trainer of
real, live grues. Obviously, this Circus is a big
purchaser of Grue Protection Kits from the Frobozz
Magic Grue Accessories Company.
The Aragain Falls is the most breathtaking and
awesome waterfall in the known lands. It lies at the
end of the Frigid River, where it flows from its
underground source near Flood Control Damn #3.
The Falls were a favorite honeymoon spot during the
8" and 9" centuries, often called the Honeymoon
Capital of the GUE. The Falls are quite dangerous
and, despite a warning buoy, many adventurers raft
off the falls to their deaths.
Aragain Village: Please see the entry on Flatheadia.
Ardis was a member of the Guild of Poets in 966. He
gave a speech to the Final Conclave of enchanters
about the failure of magical rhyming and spelling
aids.
Saint Balhu, the patron saint of circus performers,
has a holiday in his honor on 11 Arch of each year.
Barbel of Gurth, son of Delbor, was an arbiter and
diplomat from the tenth century. His greatest skills
were arbitrating and speaking in tongues, but he also
invented the GOLMAC spell. He held two positions
of authority: President of the Gurth Arbiters
Congress, and Guildmaster of the Gurth City chapter
of the Enchanters' Guild, a position he attained in
933. With his authority, he was able to restore high
enchantment dues.
Barbel was a noted critic of his fellow Enchanters.
He is most remembered for proclaiming that, "When
I was a boy, I was told that any Enchanter could
become a Guildmaster. Now I'm beginning to believe
it." Barbel was also quoted in the 957 issue of
Popular Enchanting as stating that, "There's too much
showing-off, too much one-upmanship between the
chapters, and no cooperation." This comment came
after the 115th Convention of Enchanters and
Sorcerers of the same year.
Incidentally, Barbel of Gurth's Double Fanucci
handicap is 42.
Barsap: Appointed Royal Magician in 875 GUE by
Idwit Oogle Flathead, Barsap, whose greatest skills
are juggling and creative accounting, first performed
before royalty in 850 GUE. The last book he read
was "Magic with Mirrors." His favorite saying is,
"The hardest trick is making it look easy," and his
Double Fanucci handicap is 19. Barsap's Guild
membership was revoked for dues evasion in 960, a
little before he reached his untimely end.
His fate is a matter of some controversy. Some
sources hold that he was turned into a newt in 972,
but as it is commonly believed that the Age of Magic
ended in 966, this seems a bit unlikely. The truth will
probably never be known.
Boswell Barwell, the official biographer of the
Flatheads, is the author of such notable works as
Mumberthrax: The Man Behind the Legend, and The
Lives of the Twelve Flatheads, which was published
in 804 GUE by the Frobozz Magic Biography
Publishing Company. Excerpts from Barwell's
famous book were published in the Flathead Calendar
of 883 GUE.
Giant bat: This large monster is quite a nuisance to
adventurers. Found in several caverns in the
Eastlands, these giant bats seem to amuse themselves
chiefly by grabbing a person, flying away, and
depositing them elsewhere, thoroughly lost.
Nanny Beeble was the governess to the Twelve
Flatheads when they were children. Her vivid
memories of the experience include the fact that
many of the children had teams of slaves exclusively
to move their larger building blocks.
Belboz, born in 757 GUE during the reign of
Mumberthrax Flathead, was the eldest of six brothers
all left orphaned near the Aragain Falls. The guardian
uncle of the siblings, a cave digger by trade, tried to
get young Belboz interested in construction work, but
the child talked and read only about magic.
Eventually the uncle relented and sent Belboz to
Borphee Harbor, where he was tutored by a master
magician for 20 years. According to Belboz himself,
his magical training was little understood by his
family. In an interview on his 200th birthday, Belboz
stated, "My uncle thought thaumaturgy was a
communicable fish disease, and fancied I sat on a
dock for 20 years telling carp to open wide and say
‘ah'."
Belboz's initial training was followed by a 30-year
apprenticeship in the Accardi Chapter of the Guild of
Enchanters, after which he became a full-fledged
Enchanter in 820 GUE. He decided to spend his time
traveling south to Gurth and Mithicus, where he
pioneered research on anti-caking additives to magic
potions. His success in perfecting dozens of spells,
notably the LOBAL spell ("sharpen hearing") and the
CONBAK spell ("build strong bodies 12 different
ways") brought him interprovincial fame, and
heralded his advancement to Sorcerer after a mere 25
years.
Unlike his peers, Belboz criticized the decadence of
the royal family and foretold the collapse of the Great
Underground Empire. Most fellow Sorcerers thought
Belboz's warnings were shrill or foolish, but when the
Empire did collapse in 883, Belboz said "I told you
so." Belboz then returned to Accardi where, in 910, at
the age of 153, he became Guildmaster of the
Accardi Chapter. Perhaps his greatest success -
certainly his most publicized - came in 952, when he
destroyed the evil giant Amathrodonis. Later that
year he became the kingdomwide Secretary of the
Guild of Enchanters, a post which he held for two
terms.
With a life expectancy of 175 years, almost three
times that of a layperson, most Sorcerers retire from
the Guild and become Magicians Emeritus or
Conjuration Consultants long before they become
bicentenarians. At the age of 200, Belboz was the
oldest member of the Circle of Enchanters, and was
the oldest guildmaster ever. During that time-period
speculation ran rampant as to whether the master
Sorcerer had any plans to retire. During his 200th
birthday interview, he told reporters to "Ask me
about my retirement again when I turn 300."
Unfortunately for Belboz fans, that opportunity
would never present itself. In 957 the famed Jeearr
incident led Belboz to completely rethink his future
career in magic. He became involved in a series of
dangerous exploratory experiments to look into
dangers posed by the existence of Jeearr.
Undertaking these experiments alone to shield the
Circle of Enchanters from the perils involved, Belboz
eventually succumbed to the powers of Jeearr, and
was kidnapped by Jeearr as part of his plan to gain
world domination. Luckily for Belboz, the same
Enchanter who defeated Krill was able to find
Jeearr's lair, destroy the evil demon, and save the life
of Belboz. After this incident, Belboz decided that his
time in the spotlight had come to an end, and he
retired to the peace and quiet of an Enchanters'
Retreat in the Flathead Mountains. He was not heard
from again until 966, when he played a minor role in
the events leading up to the end of the Age of Magic.
Bella Quease is a very famous glass-bottom boat,
perhaps the only one in all of Quendor, that is
stationed in Antharia. It frequently takes tourists on a
trip around the island, and sometimes to the Eastlands
or Westlands. According to many, no trip to Antharia
is complete without such a cruise on the Bella
Quease, or at least the purchase of souvenirs from
said cruise.
Belwit the Flat, the second king of the Flathead
Dynasty, ruled the kingdom from Egreth Castle
during the years 688 - 701 GUE. Belwit's reign is
noted mainly for the minting of the first zorkmid,
bearing his likeness, in 699 GUE.
Berknip was a necromancer of the seventh, eighth,
ninth, and tenth centuries who led a life designed to
confound all attempts at explanation. Born in 662, his
life paused temporarily in 750, only to be resumed
again in 841. He was survived in 750 GUE by seven
children and 39 grandchildren, but he has since out-
relived them all. Berknip is an odd man, inexplicably
afraid of swords and powdered milk. His greatest
skill is assisting historical biographers, and his
hobbies include making and collecting antiques.
Being a vegetarian, he is noted for his adaptation of
the NITFOL spell for raw oysters and crispy whole
fish. This man's Double Fanucci handicap is
unmeasurable, due to his odd life, and his favorite
saying is "No one weeps for a necromancer."
Berzio: In 769 GUE he was an obscure, little-known
thaumaturge who had lived for years in his own self-
made workshop, often going for days without food,
drink, or sleep, but in that year he made a discovery
that would change the world. He created the means
by which magical Presence could be transferred from
a scroll to a special impregnated paper by use of a
simple spell, which he named after his dog, Gnusto.
Berzio quickly gained a reputation as a great
thaumaturge, and was honored by being the source of
the name of the first magic potion, the BERZIO
potion.
Bizboz was a 5th century GUE student of the mystic
arts who thoroughly examined ancient writings on
such mystic subjects as Thaumaturgy. He wrote what
became the seminal work in Thaumaturgy, "On the
Presence of Incredibly Weird Stuff Going On," in
473 GUE, in which he claimed to have discovered
"for-the-most-part Natural Rules" by which this
"Weird Stuff" is ordered. This work was ridiculed by
the leading scholars of the time, leading to Bizboz's
removal from the faculty at Galepath University, and,
eventually, to his tragic suicide in 475 GUE.
However, his work encouraged others in the pursuit
of magical knowledge.
Zorbius Blattus, greatest of the modern _philo-
sophers, was a popular debunker of Brogmoidism,
and other strange religious sects. For instance, he is
fond of asking, "If a giant Brogmoid were holding up
the world, where would he stand?"
The bloit is the Empire's most common unit for
measuring distances. The bloit is defined as the
distance the king's favorite pet runs in an hour. As the
discerning reader can tell from this definition, the
length of the bloit changes dramatically from ruler to
ruler. (Rarely more dramatically than in 619 GUE,
when Bozbo IV -- who adored his windcat -- died,
and was succeeded by Mumbo II -- who was equally
enamored of his very, very ancient turtle.)
Land is usually measured in square bloits. It is
possible to convert bloits to miles, using the
measurements of Fublio Valley by Boswell Barwell
and Froboz Mumbar. According to this conversion
one bloit is approximately 3,529 feet, or two-thirds of
a mile. However it is important to note that this bloit-
length may not correspond with other bloit-lengths
given in this book.
Bloodhound: Lord Dimwit Flathead kept a kennel
full of royal bloodhounds of immense size. It is quite
probable that the bloodhound was the basis of Lord
Dimwit's measurement of the bloit.
Bloodworms live in shallow underground pools of
water and are often mistaken for mossy boulders.
Their pointy, retractable fangs can extend up to 32
inches during an attack. They are repelled by the
smell of boiled chives; always carry some if
venturing near known bloodworm spawning ground.
One such spawning ground is the Miznia Jungle,
where the local variety of bloodworm have pairs of
fangs that measure in at an astounding three feet.
Winifred Booblort ran the Flatheadia Castle
Preservation Society in 883 GUE.
The Boot Patrol was the police organization em-
ployed by The Evil One in Witchville. Headed by
Sergeant MacGuffin, the Boot Patrol was literally a
group of very large, living boots that arrested curfew
violators.
The Bor River joins with the Phee River to form the
Borphee River in the Westlands. At the confluence of
the Phee and the Bor lies the ruins of the ancient city-
state of Pheebor.
Borphbelly stew is a popular lunchtime meal in the
province of Fenshire. Made from fox, fowl, and
earthworm, proper preparation mandates the
simultaneous addition of the ingredients to a boiling
cookpot.
Borphee, a large industrial city in the Westlands, is
the capital of the Greater Borphee Province. A total
of 1,107,810 people live in this huge province, and
the city of Borphee itself is the largest in all of
Frobozz. In fact, Borphee Harbor is the busiest port
on the Flathead Ocean. This is only one of the several
geographic features that help make Borphee the
single most accessible vacation spot in the world.
From anywhere in the Borphee River valley, travel
by ferry is easy and inexpensive. By land, the Coast
Road connects Borphee with the ancient cities to the
north as well as the populous southlands.
Thanks to the nearby ocean, Borphee has a very
moderate climate. The rainy season lasts most of the
winter, and summers tend to be humid. During the
first week in autumn, Borphee is the site of the
Double Fanucci Championships, an annual event
since 691 GUE. In late spring, G.U.E. Tech holds
their annual Spelling Bee, which is free and open to
the public. Every winter, the hills of Borphee come
alive with the sounds of the most dreadful singers in
the land. This event, aptly named The From Bad to
Worst Songfest, happens to coincide to the time of
year when most hillside residents schedule trips
abroad. On the official first day of summer,
thousands gather at the Borphee Harbor for the
G.ULE. Festival of Small Ships.
Greater Borphee, nicknamed the Industrial Province,
encompasses 754 square bloits. Government in this
region is quite a baffling system. The city of Borphee
itself is run by an elected mayor, while the province
is administered by a staff of part-time volunteer
managers, whose decisions are ratified at least three
times a year, but not more than every other week, by
a series of local forums. Those who purport to know
say that these forums have resulted in Greater
Borphee County Penal Codes, the recitation of which
could bore a listener to death.
Those who are not busy volunteering for the local
government are probably involved in one of
Borphee's fine educational institutions. Borphee
Business School and G.U.E. Tech both have excel-
lent reputations. In fact, many G.U.E. Tech graduates
have gone on to start their own magic companies,
thus contributing to Borphee's standing as the center
of the spell scroll, potion, and infotater industries. In
the 9th century GUE, Spellbound and United
Thaumaturgy both had extensive facilities in
Borphee, and by 947 GUE FrobozzCo International
had relocated its massive headquarters to Borphee as
well. The prominence of the magic industry in
Borphee is undoubtedly related to the fact that the
city is home to the Great Meeting Hall of the
Enchanters' Guild, the site of the Final Conclave in
966 GUE.
The recorded history of Borphee goes back to
approximately 400 years before the time of
Entharion, when Borphee, along with Pheebor, was
one of the great city-states that lay near the Borphee
River. Borphee defeated Pheebor in a massive battle
that was caused by a feud over the naming of what is
now called the Borphee River.
Recorders of meaningless historical facts might be
interested in the following:
e A Borphee baker makes Frobolli Cakes by
flinging bits of dough into a hot oven.
e The flower of Borphee is the compass rose.
e The Borphee motto ("Borphee - fixum rixa poo
nastik.") translates to "Borphee - better than you
think."
Borphee Business School is known as the alma
mater of the most successful businessman of all time,
John D. Flathead.
Borphee Metropolitan Opera and_ Ballet
Companies: These are the most prestigious
organizations of their kind in the world.
The Borphee River, formed by the joining of the
rivers Phee and Bor, flows from near the ruins of
Pheebor to the Great Sea near Borphee Harbor.
Travel by ferry from anywhere in the Borphee River
Valley is easy and inexpensive, helping to make
Borphee probably the single most accessible vacation
spot in the Empire.
Over a thousand years ago the Borphee River was
called the One River, until the outcome of a war
between Borphee and Pheebor helped to give us the
present name.
Saint Bovus, the patron saint of those who design
fine slate patios, has a holiday in his honor on 6
Augur of each year. Due to a slight mix-up
concerning the etymological origin of the name
"Bovus," the 883 edition of the Flathead Calendar
was responsible for giving the impression that Bovus
was the patron saint of those who raise meat animals,
a role that actually belongs to Saint Wiskus.
Bozbarbo Village is an underground settlement in
the Westlands, near Egreth and Bozbarland, by the
western branch of the Second Great Underground
Highway.
Bozbo I was the fifth king of the Entharion Dynasty.
He came to the throne in 423 GUE, after Zilbo I, and
was succeeded by Zilbo II in 429 GUE.
Bozbo II was the eighth king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 477 GUE, after
Harmonious Fzort, and was succeeded by Thaddium
Fzort in 481 GUE.
Bozbo III was the eleventh king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 569 GUE, after
Mumbo I, and was succeeded by Bozbo IV in 575
GUE.
Bozbo IV was the twelfth king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 575, after Bozbo
III, and was succeeded by Mumbo II in 619. The
change in rulers made for a profound readjustement
of the bloit system of measurement, when Mumbo II
chose a turtle as the standard of measurement, rather
than a windcat, Bozbo IV's animal of choice.
Brogmoids: In rare cases, these squat creatures can
achieve the intelligence level of a three-year-old
human. Domesticated brogmoids are tame and can
even be taught to perform simple tasks. In the wild,
they can be seen in huge packs sorting through rock
piles looking for edible rocks. From this fact it is not
difficult to see why brogmoids live considerably
longer in captivity.
The tenets of Brogmoidism, a religion originating in
the fourth century GUE, state that a Great Brogmoid
supports the world upon his shoulders, and that this
Great Brogmoid keeps us from falling into the Great
Void. Nowadays this belief is commonly ridiculed,
and has lost most of its adherents, but nevertheless it
is quite true. In 883 GUE the first Dungeon Master
explored the depths of the Eastland's caverns and
actually came out on the bottom of the earth to gaze
upon a brogmoid that was tremendous beyond
description. A rough estimate puts this Great
Brogmoid at a zillion times larger than any brogmoid
ever seen before. Its mere shoulder hairs were like
mighty trees.
On the same day as this remarkable discovery, Curse
Day 883, the first Dungeon Master also hiked to the
top of Mount Foobia and discovered the foot of
another Great Brogmoid. Apparently, not only does a
brogmoid hold up the world, but upon the world is
standing another brogmoid, which can only be
presumed to support yet another world.
Chroniclers of history have always been puzzled by
the fact that the Brogmoid Hypothesis has
traditionally been given less credit than the so-called
Turtle Theory, and the Troll Postulate, both of which
were the subject of some research by Leonardo
Flathead.
Burfle is a game of chance played mainly in the
Bozbarland Casino.
Marcus Bzart-Foodle, a very rich nobleman from
Gurth, was the first husband of Lucrezia Flathead.
Bzart-Foodle died at a ripe old age after Lucrezia
over-excited his weak heart.
A Camel is a desert animal.
The Caves of Vision are the source of crystal of
legendary quality. Crystal from the Caves of Vision
is used by the Frobozz Magic Equipment Company
to make crystal balls, or magic monitors.
Cerberus was the three-headed dog guarding the
gates of Hades, but in recent years he has been
employed as the guardian of the tomb of the Twelve
Flatheads.
Chaos is the cat of the owner of Festeron's Ye Olde
Magick Shoppe. This cat, all black save a white spot
on its forehead, was kidnapped by The Evil One as a
part of her plan to control Wishbringer, the Stone of
Dreams. To do this, The Evil One turned Chaos into
a stone sculpture, and the only way to bring the cat
back to life was to insert Wishbringer into the
sculpture's forehead. A heroic Festeron postal
employee accomplished this task, managed to resist
The Evil One, and returned Chaos to its rightful
owner.
Chess is an ancient game of warfare, played on a
checkered field of 64 squares. The noted architect
Zylo Pickthorn used the chessboard as the basis for
his Rockville Estates construction plan. It is also
known that Lord Dimwit Flathead had a magical life-
size chess set that could be accessed by donning a
magic robe.
Chocolate Truffles grow only between the roots of
oak trees. Dark brown when fresh, they decompose
rapidly once exposed to air. Truffles were a favorite
of the kings of the Flathead Dynasty, particularly
Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, who ordered
the excavation of entire forests to indulge his
bottomless appetite. Chocolate truffles have been
found mainly in the Westlands, in forests near Gurth
City and Thriff.
Christmas Tree Monster: Vast herds of these
luminous vegetables roam freely amid the glacial
valleys of the south. Residents fear the autumn
migrations, in which the trees cheerfully trample
everything in their path. Christmas tree monsters are
repelled by caterpillars, but nobody can explain why.
The most recent sighting of these creatures was in
966 GUE, when a horde of 69,105 of the creatures
descended on Thriff village. For a few days the
village was protected by magic glyphs designed by
the enchanter Orkan, but then a nearby volcanic
eruption caused the entire horde to burn to death.
Coast Road: There are actually two such roads in the
Great Underground Empire. The first one, in
Antharia, is a very famous and _ well-traveled
thoroughfare, just north of Anthar. It leads into the
capital and passes by famous Flathead Stadium on
the western coast of Antharia. The Coast Road in the
Westlands connects Borphee with the ancient cities to
the north as well as Gurth and Mithicus to the south.
The Coconut of Quendor: For many years
historians, though reluctant to dismiss the Coconut
outright, regarded its historical existence as dubious
at best. Orkan of Thriff has suggested that if all the
"Shards of The One True Coconut" and "Vials of The
Blessed Milk" were gathered in one place, they
would form a stack nine bloits high. Orkan and
Gustar Woomax, the leading chronicler of Coconut
lore, was one of the privileged few who were on hand
in 966 GUE when the existence of the Coconut was
actually verified. For years the Coconut had been in
the possession of a group of Implementors on the
Ethereal Plane of Atrii. In 966 an ur-grue, whose
motives are not entirely understood, stole the
Coconut and secreted it deep under the Mithicus
Mountains. An obscure peasant was able to recover
the Coconut, which was then used to store the sum of
all human knowledge from the Age of Magic. It is
believed that the shell of the Coconut is impervious
to the passage of time, and thus the knowledge of
Magic will survive the Age of Science, and be
rediscovered by generations in the distant future.
Compass Rose: The stem of this rare annual always
droops in the direction of the prevailing wind. It is a
proven fact that the compass rose can indeed control
the wind. This is hotly denied by the Guild of
Meteorologists, who harvested the species to the
brink of extinction in the Rose Riots of 811 GUE.
The only known surviving bush of the species is
somewhere in the Fields of Frotzen. This species of
rose is often confused with another type of compass
rose, a stone or metallic carving depicting all of the
cardinal directions like a compass. These "roses"
often have magical properties, and are usually found
in remote underground caverns.
Giant Corbies are carrion birds with sharp eye-sight
and sharper beaks. Their color vision is so well
developed, they can spot a yellow grotch in a
hayfield from 200 bloits away. Corbies prefer the
taste of dead, rotting flesh, but have been known to
feast on live, running adventurers. However, it is now
known that corbies are intensely afraid of certain
colors. Anybody garbed in the appropriate color will
be safe from the threat that is present in places such
as the Fields of Frotzen, where packs of corbies are
always seen circling low in the skies.
"Corky" Crisp was once the chief of the Festeron
Postal Service. Crisp was an ugly man with a harsh
temper. When Festeron was transformed into
Witchville by The Evil One, Crisp was put to work
torturing The Evil One's prisoners. It is known that
"Corky" was romantically involved with Violet Voss,
the town librarian.
Cruel Puppet: Few creatures are more despised than
the cruel puppet. It attacks by twisting itself into
unflattering caricatures of its opponents,
accompanied by jeers, rude noises and shocking
accusations. Staunch monarchs have been reduced to
tears by these merciless shapeshifters. Residents of
Gurth City have been warned away from the forest to
the north, a known home to cruel puppets.
Cubes of Foundation: When the foundations of the
world were laid down, the elemental powers and
forces were symbolized during the making by small,
white cubes. The cubes and the forces were merged
in a way that our knowledge no longer comprehends.
When the making was done, the cubes were hidden
away so that their powers could not be tampered
with.
Unfortunately, in the year 966, the evil "shadow" of
the Head of the Circle of Enchanters gained access to
several of these cubes. Almost immediately he was
able to affect great changes in the workings of magic.
In order to seize control of the universe, he was able
to trick the Head of the Circle to unknowingly gather
these cubes from all corners of the known world, and
beyond. This shadow-being then attempted to meld
all of the cubes into one, in order to give him power
over the forces of the universe. The Head of the
Circle was able to prevent this from taking place, but
he was unable to prevent the alteration of the cubes in
such a way that destroyed the fabric of magic.
It is hoped that no future generations will choose to
gain control over the Cubes of Foundation. The first
such attempt, described already, brought an end to
the entire Age of Magic. The next attempt might lead
to the destruction of the entire universe as we know
it.
Curse Day is the anniversary of the death of Lord
Dimwit Flathead the Excessive on the 14” of
Mumberbur. On that date in 779 GUE the great
wizard Megaboz cast a mighty Curse. This Curse
killed the Twelve Flatheads and eventually, in 883
GUE, brought about the collapse of the Empire and
the destruction of Flatheadia. The Curse Day of 883
GUE marks the last day of the reign of Wurb
Flathead, and the beginning of the influence of the
first Dungeon Master.
A Cyclops is a one-eyed giant. Although fairly rare
in the Great Underground Empire, they presented
quite a problem when encountered. The average
cyclops would quite willingly devour an average
human, and love every bit of it. So much of a
nuisance were cyclops, that quite often one could find
advertisements in Popular Enchanting posted by
people looking for enchanters for cyclops eradication
work. Throughout the years only two methods of
avoiding a cyclops have proven effective. One could
either feed it something other than oneself, or trick it
into believing that you are Odysseus, its race's
ancient nemesis. One of the few cyclops specimens
found in the wild was one that had taken residence in
the Great Underground Empire in the Eastlands after
the fall of the Empire.
Davmar was the great Thaumaturge who discovered
that the power of magic spells could be stored on
paper. This breakthrough, storing Incantation on
specil Presence-imbued paper, eventually led to the
widespread use of magic. Davmar, working in the
early years of the reign of King Mumberthrax
Flathead, was also known for spending six years of
his life as a zucchini farmer, despite the fact that he
was allergic to zucchinis, and could not eat them
himself!
Delbor was advisor to Lord Dimwit Flathead, and
father of Barbel of Gurth.
A Demon is an evil spirit of great power. The Wizard
of Frobozz had imprisoned a demon inside a magic
sphere, but the second Dungeon Master made it
possible for the demon to escape and kill the Wizard
of Frobozz. An obscure historical legend tells that
King Duncanthrax was a demon who assumed human
form, although little credence is given to this notion.
One of history's most famous demons is the evil
being Jeearr, who came close to gaining control over
the entire world in 957 GUE.
The Diablo Massacre occurred at the Zorbel Pass in
666 GUE when the invading armies of King
Duncanthrax met a native militia of trollish warriors.
The invaders were outnumbered but well-armed; the
natives were equipped only with wooden clubs and a
large piece of very strong garlic. Military historians
consider the routing of the native militia as a key
moment in the conquering of the Eastlands.
Dimithio of Borphee, known as The Cheerful
Sorceror, was the founder of the Borphee Enchanters'
Guild. A student of Yooman, the Musician Mage,
Dimithio was tremendously well-read and good-
natured, despised only by Holnac the Cynic. Dimithio
was also a great animal lover, and he adapted the
NITFOL spell for egg-laying mammals. His greatest
skill was fireworks displays, and he was often quoted
as saying, "Magic doesn't have to be great to be
useful, nor does magic have to be useful to be great."
His Double Fanucci handicap was 127.
Dinbar was a Sth century GUE student of the mystic
arts who thoroughly examined ancient writings on
such mystic subjects as Thaumaturgy.
Lake Dinge is a frozen lake in the Gray Mountains.
Those who purport to know say that skating on the
slanted frozen surface of Lake Dinge is an
exhilarating experience.
Discipline Crabs are small, moral crustaceans found
in cellars, fallout shelters, and other subterranean
lairs. These brooding curmudgeons are deeply
offended by the slightest intrusion; if cornered, they
employ their razor-edged pincers with righteous
efficiency. Discipline crabs live in nests made of
random bits of ocean debris, and are fond of jewelry
such as gold crowns. These creatures need to stick
close to the water, and the only known discipline crab
lair is in Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
Dornbeast: Smart adventurers run the other way
when they hear "Hurumph," the battle cry of the
deadly dornbeast. This monster should be avoided at
all costs - its 69 sensitive eyes can paralyze an
unwary explorer with a single glare. (Range: about
three feet for young beastling to about 20 feet for
full-grown dorns.) Captured victims quickly lose
their strength and are plastered with round, sticky
secretions that never come off. Dorns usually live in
crags and shadows near cliff bases. Known dorn lairs
include the cliffs near Egreth, and a lighthouse near
Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
Harv Dornfrob wrote the famous novel The Seventy
Year Snidgel.
Double Fanucci: For a partial description of this
famous card game, see Appendix C.
A Dragon is a monster, a large, winged reptile that
breathes out fire and smoke. Apparently fairly
common in the old days, the species encountered a
little problem in the form of Dimwit Flathead, who
took it into his head to hold a feast on the meat of 300
slaughtered dragons. Since that event, there has been
only one reported dragon-sighting, underground in
the Eastlands in 948 GUE. An ancient tale, the
Legend of Wishbringer, tells of a dragon called
Thermofax that had an appetite for careless knights.
Although quite intelligent, dragons are also
notoriously naive, this being clearly demonstrated by
the fact that the dragon found in 948 was killed when
it was startled by its own reflection.
Dryads, also known as tree sprites, are beautiful and
shy. Many never leave the shade of the tree they were
born under. If coaxed, dryads can reveal the location
of forest treasures. They are only dangerous in large
numbers, and then only if threatened. Angered
dryads have been known to crush attackers under
tons of rose petals.
Duncanthrax the Bellicose, the first king of the
Flathead Dynasty, took the throne from Zilbo III
during a palace revolt on the last day of 659 GUE. He
expanded the kingdom by conquering Antharia and
most of the Eastlands. He also moved the capital
from Largoneth to Egreth.
Historians disagree about Duncanthrax's life prior to
659. A petition signed by palace guards in 657,
asking for an increase in the mosquito netting
allotment, bears a signature that looks suspiciously
like "Duncanthrax." Some historians insist that
Duncanthrax was general of the Royal Militia. One
legend even suggests that Duncanthrax was a demon
who assumed human form. Another legend describes
him as a former rope salesman.
Key events in the reign of Duncanthrax are the battle
of Fort Griffspotter in 665, which gave Quendor
complete control over the mighty Antharian navy,
and the Diablo Massacre of 666, the decisive battle in
the conquest of the Eastlands. As Duncanthrax's
invasion swept across the new lands in the east, he
made a startling discover: huge caverns and tunnels,
populated by gnomes, trolls, and other magical races.
Even as Duncanthrax conquered this region, his
imagination was inspired by this natural underground
formation. If these caverns and tunnels were possible
in nature, so might they be formed by humans!
Duncanthrax realized that by burrowing into the
ground he could increase the size of his empire
fivefold or even tenfold! Founding the Frobozz
Magic Construction Company to carry out his
project, he became responsible for what his great-
great-grandson, Dimwit Flathead, would call the
Great Underground Empire. By the time of his death
in 688, Duncanthrax ruled virtually all territory in the
known world, above and below ground.
Dungeon Master: There were in fact two of these
mysterious people who inhabited the caverns in the
Eastlands in the ninth and tenth centuries GUE.
These Dungeon Masters were, in a manner of
speaking, the successors to the throne of the Great
Underground Empire after its collapse in 883.
The first Dungeon Master was the descendant of a
servant from the court of Lord Dimwit Flathead. That
servant, present on the day that Megaboz cursed the
kingdom, was able to save a piece of parchment that
contained hints on how to stop the Curse. The
parchment became a family heirloom, eventually
making its way into the hands of the person who
would become the first Dungeon Master.
On 14 Mumberbur 883, that man, in an attempt to
forestall the Curse, came face to face with Megaboz
himself. Despite his efforts, the Curse was fulfilled
and the Empire was destroyed. However, for reasons
that are not entirely understood, Megaboz felt it
necessary that someone be left as a guardian or
inheritor of the vast underground territory. Megaboz
thus made the would-be Curse-buster into the first
Dungeon Master, giving him total control over the
Eastland caverns, not to mention powerful magical
abilities, and half the wealth of the kingdom.
As the years passed and the underground caverns
became the stuff of legend, the existence of the
Dungeon Master was forgotten. In 948 a brave
adventurer dared to enter the caverns near the former
site of Flatheadia. Vanquishing a thief, many
monsters, and the Wizard of Frobozz, this adventurer
eventually found his way to the home of the Dungeon
Master himself, who, unbeknownst to the adventurer,
had been following him and guiding him on his
quest. Apparently the first Dungeon Master grew old
and weary of his powers, and had chosen this young
adventurer as his successor.
Thus began the reign of the second Dungeon Master,
which presumably lasted until the end of the Age of
Magic in 966. It is interesting to note that the
circumstances of the arrival of the second Dungeon
Master exactly match the old legend of Zork, a tale
that was once considered to be nothing more than a
folk-myth.
Dust Bunnies burrow in obscure corners and under
furniture, and defend their territory by multiplying.
Due to the nature of dust bunnies, they multiply
actually by dividing themselves in half. They can
clog a passageway in seconds, filling the air with
dark, suffocating particles. Static electricity and
lemon-scented sprays are their only natural enemies.
To date the only known dust bunny lair is in a
lighthouse near Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
The Eastlands comprise those provinces which lie
on the eastern shore of the Great Sea, such as
Flatheadia, and the Fublio Valley.
Egreth Castle served as the seat of royal power from
the reign of Duncanthrax (who moved the capital
from Largoneth in 660 GUE) through the reign of
Dimwit (who moved the capital to Flatheadia in 771
GUE). Egreth was, and still is, reputed to be the most
dangerous locale in the kingdom. Protected from
hostile invaders from the sea by Fort Griffspotter,
Egreth also happened to be the major sight in the
Westlands of the vast tunneling project implemented
by Duncanthrax to move the Empire underground. In
the caverns near Egreth can be found the famous
Glass Maze, Bozbarland, and the Great Underground
Highway #2.
It is of slight historical interest to note that Egreth
was best remembered in the magical community for
the famed Coal-Walkers of Egreth, a troupe who used
magical aid to protect themselves while carrying out
their stunts.
Eldritch Vapors dwell in cemeteries, moors, and
other locales where fog will hide their evershifting
forms. Two areas known to be frequented by eldritch
vapors are the Festeron Cemetery and the marsh to
the south of Grubbo-by-the-Sea. Gleeful and
mischievous, the vapors enjoy snatching away the
possessions of those foolish enough to wander into
their realm. Visitors without possessions are
themselves snatched away.
Elves are a mysterious race of magical humanoids. It
is reasonable to assume that elves are natives of the
Eastlands, but none have ever been encountered
there. The only definitely known elvish relic is a
magical sword found in the Eastlands that glows
when evil is nearby. However, rumors about elves
abound. One Accardi weapons shop also claims to
sell swords of elvish make. The authenticity of these
claims have not been verified.
The Enchanters' Guild can trace its roots to the
reign of Entharion, over 900 years ago. It was in that
era that scholars penned the first writings on the
mystic subject of magic. Throughout the centuries
the advancement of Thaumaturgy suffered many
setbacks. (See Appendix D on Magic) One of these
setbacks, King Duncanthrax's Unnatural Acts,
indirectly led to the foundation of the Enchanters'
Guild.
When the ban on magic decreed by Duncanthrax was
loosened towards the end of the seventh century, the
great thaumaturge Vilboz was able to form a
legitimate organization to aid the scientific approach
to the study of magic. This organization was the first
chapter of the Guild of Enchanters, founded in the
tiny hamlet of Accardi-By-The-Sea. Since that day,
additional chapters have usually been located in
similar small villages, since the bustle of city life
interferes with an Enchanter's work ("Excuse me, I
locked my keys in my house. Could you please
rezrov my door?").
From the earliest days of the Guild, Enchanters have
been bound by a series of governing tenets. The first
tenet states that Enchanters may never use their
talents to aid evil. The second points out that an
Enchanter's duty is to the Guild and to the Kingdom,
not to the individual. Lesser tenets include rules for
conducting votes at meetings, guidelines for passing
dishes at Guild banquets, and penalties for revealing
the Guild's secret handshake.
Thanks to the spread of the Guild, use of magic by
lay people became more prevalent. One such lay
person made a mistake that caused the devastating
Endless Fire of 773 GUE. To ensure that such
mistakes would never happen again, Lord Dimwit
Flathead issued a series of edicts that entrusted all use
of magic to the various Guilds of Enchanters, thus
preventing magic use by the common person. These
Guilds, whose elders comprised the so-called Circle
of Enchanters, was empowered to form schools for
the training of new Enchanters.
This official sanctioning of the Guilds led to the
formation of numerous other chapters, with
membership in various Guilds in excess of 2000 by
the year 800. Only one example is Dimithio, who
single-handedly founded an Enchanters' Guild in the
huge metropolis of Borphee. By this time the old
chapters in Thriff and Accardi had become highly
influential, and helped to bring stability to the land
following the turbulence created by the collapse of
the Great Underground Empire in 883.
However, when the tenth century rolled around the
Guild began to face some problems. Although it was
underwriting many philanthropic foundations and
running many accredited thaumaturgical universities,
not everybody was pleased with the way things were
going. For instance, the 115th Convention of
Enchanters and Sorcerors in 957 GUE was plagued
with pranks and magical oneupmanship between
various chapters. Barbel of Gurth, a Guildmaster and
elder member of the Circle of Enchanters,
commented that he was "disgusted" with the state of
affairs in the Enchanters' Guild.
Many complained of a lack of communication
between the chapters, while some junior enchanters
grumbled about "leadership stagnation." These
complaints were directed at Barbel, who had been a
Guildmaster since 933, and Belboz, who had led the
Circle of Enchanters since 952, and had been a
Guildmaster for 47 years. These people felt that the
lifetime appointment of Guildmasters was far too
long.
However, the year 957 saw events that many
interpreted as a rebirth for the Guild. One junior
guildmaster, who had defeated Krill only a few years
before, rescued Belboz from the clutches of the
demon Jeearr, and became the new Head of the
Circle. Unfortunately, this period of rebirth was
short-lived. In 966 the new Head of the Circle set in
motion a chain of events that brought about the end
of the Guild, and the end of the Age of Magic. As
these events were unfolding, a Final Conclave of the
Guild of Enchanters in Borphee acted to preserve the
sum of all knowledge of the Guilds forever in the
famed Coconut of Quendor. Thus, although the
Enchanters' Guild has come to an end in this Age,
another age after the fall of Science will be able to
make use of their powers.
The Enchanters' Retreat is an old stone structure
perched high in the Flathead Mountains. For
generations, retired (or even burnt-out) enchanters
have gone there to breathe the clean mountain air,
watch the stars, and rest from their exertions. The
appointments are simple, the fare in unsophisticated,
and those there are always content. After the defeat
of Jeearr in 957, the famous mage Belboz himself
sought refuge in the Retreat.
The Encyclopedia Frobozzica, a publication of the
Frobozz Magic Encyclopedia Company, is the finest
of its kind in the known world. All entries are
meticulously compiled by the Frobozz Magic
Encyclopedia Research Company, the illustrations
are faithfully reproduced by the Frobozz Encyc-
lopedia Illustration Company, and the facts are all
double, triple, and quadruple-checked by the Frobozz
Magic Encyclopedia Accuracy and Verification
Company. No library should be without one! We
heartily congratulate you on your purchase of this
latest edition of the Encyclopedia Frobozzica. Earlier
editions are perfect, but not as perfect as this, the
definitive collection of the knowledge of the Age of
Magic.
The Endless Fire destroyed the city of Mareilon in
773 GUE, after raging for 4 weeks. It was later found
out that the fire had been started by a civil servant on
18 Estuary, who thought he was casting the
ZEMDOR spell ("turn original into triplicate") but
who, instead, cast the ZIMBOR spell ("turn one
really big city into lots of tiny, little ashes"). The Fire
led Lord Dimwit Flathead (the Excessive) to issue a
series of 5,521 edicts over the following few weeks,
which had the effect of severely limiting access to
magic, and, incidentally, lawyers. Henceforth, all
magic was entrusted to the various Guilds of
Enchanters.
Entharion the Wise united many warring tribes,
including the rival city-states of Galepath and
Mareilon, thus forming the kingdom of Quendor. As
the first king of Quendor, Entharion built the castle
Largoneth, near the ancient cities of Galepath and
Mareilon, and ruled over a kingdom which was little
more than what is currently the province of Frobozz.
According to earlier, erroneous entries in the
Encyclopedia Frobozzica, Entharion and his
legendary blade Grueslayer eradicated grues from the
face of the world. Unfortunately for many
adventurers, this is not true. Our current calendar
dates from the first year of Entharion's reign, which
ended in 41 GUE. He was succeeded by Mysterion
the Brave.
The Ethereal Plane of Atrii is an alternate plane of
existence that has specific locations that coincide
with the same locations in the real world. However,
the geometry and very nature of space in the Ethereal
Plane is different in an indescribable way. Those who
have mastered transcendental physics can easily jump
back and forth from the Ethereal Plane to the real
world via magic curtains called Dimension Doors, or
through the use of a Scroll of Gating. These
transcendental voyagers report that solid objects from
the Ethereal Plane appear only as vague outlines in
our world, and vice versa. The Plane of Atrii, home
of the Implementors, is also the way of Orkan of
Thriff was so easily able to transport his entire village
anywhere he desired in our world. It has been
discovered that a transcendental traveler, upon
magically entering the Plane of Atrii, can easily
return to the real world via magic curtains specially
designed to provide a one-way trip.
The Evil One is the sorceress responsible for the
magical transformation of the Antharian village of
Festeron into the dismal nightmare known as
Witchville. It is known that The Evil One and others
like her sought Wishbringer, the Stone of Dreams,
known to be in possession of the proprietor of the
local Magick Shoppe, who also happened to be The
Evil One's sister. In order to gain control of the
Stone, The Evil One kidnapped her sister's cat,
Chaos, and held her ransom. Thanks to the bravery
and cunning of a local postal service employee, The
Evil One's plan was foiled. The cat Chaos was
returned to its rightful owner, Witchville was
transformed back into Festeron, and Wishbringer was
kept out of the hands of The Evil One forever.
Fanucci: For a partial description of this famous
game, see Appendix C.
Feeb is a _ derogatory term often
Implementors, among others, to
particularly stupid and dense individual.
used by
describe a
Lord Feepness was the voice of sanity and
moderation among Lord Dimwit's advisors. Three
examples clearly prove this point. In 777 GUE
Dimwit planned to build a Royal Museum under 2
miles of mountain and surrounded by 500 feet of
steel. Historical evidence suggests that Feepness
deterred Dimwit from this extreme plan, but was less
successful in other matters.
When Dimwit conceived of a massive underground
flood control dam with thousands of gates, Lord
Feepness asked the king, "Wouldn't that be just a tad
excessive?" These words of wisdom were ignored,
and the history books say nothing more of Lord
Feepness until the 14th of Mumberbur, 789 GUE. On
this day, hours before Dimwit died, the king
conceived of a plan to construct a new continent,
whose outline and contours would be a gigantic
reproduction of his own visage. However, the empire
simply did not have enough money to build it, and
Lord Feepness pointed out that raising the tax rate
from 98% to 100% simply would not be a wise
political move.
Fenshire is a swampy region which stretches east of
the Flathead Mountains to the edge of the world. The
summer castle of the Flatheads was located in a
remote section of Fenshire.
Barbazzo Fernap: Please see the entry under Jesters.
Festeron is a small village on the east coast of
Antharia. A quiet town, Festeron is intensely proud
of its history, dedicating statues and minting coins in
the memory of its founding fathers and military
heroes. Previously noted only for its exemplary
postal service, Festeron found its way into the annals
of history sometime during the tenth century during
the reign of The Evil One. This mysterious sorceress
magically transformed the innocent town of Festeron
into an evil, hideous place called Witchville, where
every normal person or place became a twisted and
wicked version of itself. Luckily for Festeron, The
Evil One was vanquished by an employee of the
aforementioned postal service, and everything was
returned to normal.
Fibbsbozza is a leading manufacturer of magic
scrolls and potions.
The Fields of Frotzen, fertile farmland in the heart
of Gurth province, produce an annual bounty of grain
and are frequently referred to as the Breadbasket of
Quendor. These Fields are home to packs of giant
corbies, and the last known specimen of the compass
rose grows there. The area surrounding the Fields is
prone to frequent storms, which makes travel in the
area very difficult. The location that is equivalent to
Frotzen in the Ethereal Plane of Atrii is the home of
the Implementors. Those that are obsessed with trivia
might like to know that the distance between
signposts in Frotzen is 120 bloits.
The Final Conclave: The year 966 saw the failure of
the very fabric of Magic. The reasons leading to the
end of the Age of Magic make a very confusing tale.
It seems that every time an enchanter casts a spell, a
shadow of that enchanter is created. The more
powerful the enchanter, the more powerful this
shadow becomes. In 966 the leader of the Circle of
Enchanters, who vanquished Krill and Jeearr, was a
very powerful enchanter indeed, and his shadow had
taken a real form.
This Shadow had a dream: to hold sway over all of
the world. To accomplish this goal he needed the
Cubes of Foundation, which he could only obtain
with the assistance of his human counterpart. When
the Shadow began to tamper with the force of Magic
via the few Cubes already in his possession, the Head
of the Circle was unwittingly drawn into the
Shadow's game. The unreliability of Magic caused by
the Shadow lead to an emergency Conclave of
Enchanters to discuss the situation.
This Conclave, held on 14 August 966 in Guild Hall
at Borphee, was attended by every guildmaster and
major enchanter, including Orkan, Gustar Woomax,
and Y'Gael. Several laypeople, such as Sneffle,
Hoobly, Gzornenplatz, and Ardic, were also present
to discuss the failure of Magic. The course of this
discussion was interrupted when the Shadow of the
Head of the Circle enterred the Hall and turned
everyone except his human counterpart into various
amphibious creatures. This sent the Head of the
Circle venturing out into the world to seek some
answers.
Meanwhile, the newly-created newts and toads were
able to continue their discussion. They quickly
realized that the Age of Magic was coming to a close.
The sorceress Y'Gael suggested using the Coconut of
Quendor as a container in which to preserve all of the
knowledge of Magic for a later Age. A local peasant
was soon sent on the dangerous task of finding the
Coconut.
The Head of the Circle managed to recover most of
the Cubes of Foundation, which eventually led him to
the stronghold of his Shadow. Before this conflict
with the Shadow, the Coconut of Quendor was found,
and the Enchanters at the Conclave, who had used
their powers to return to human form, were able to
store the knowledge of the Age of Magic inside the
Coconut. Meanwhile the Head of the Circle had
finally encountered his evil double. In this final
conflict the Cubes of Foundation were destroyed, and
this drew the Age of Magic to a close.
Fisha is a small wand producer in Foozle,
specializing in Wands of Inanimation. Their wands
tend to have a very limited life.
A Flamingo is a common garden animal.
Abraham Flathead, a great statesman from an
unknown time period, is best noted for his famous
quote, "A home that's cut in half usually falls over."
Babe Flathead (748 - 789 GUE): Often called the
flattest of the Flatheads, Babe, the youngest of the
twelve, was born with an aptitude for sport. He
demonstrated his dexterity and coordination early on,
throwing baby blocks at his older siblings with
impressive speed and accuracy.
As a youth, he was always captain of the Little
League teams, thanks in part to pressure applied by
his uncle, Mayor Fiorello Flathead. Even as a
teenager, he was something of a lady's man and a
party animal, and his older brother Dimwit would
frequently have to bail the Babe out of jail following
one infraction or another. By all accounts, Babe and
Dimwit, despite their 25-year age difference, were
closest of all the Flathead siblings.
When he reached college age, Babe selected Mithicus
Province University from amongst many eager
suitors. At MPU, Babe was a 43-letter man, leading
his team to championships in every existing college
sport and several non-existent ones as well. (Many
experts feel that Babe's teams would have won these
championships even if every competing school had
NOT had their QCAA memberships revoked.)
Throughout the Babe's professional sports career, he
excelled in everything he tried: bocce, tag-team
kayaking, full-court furbish. There was only one
exception. Try as he might, Babe could not master
Double — Fanucci. Even the —_- unexplained
disappearances of the 339 leading Double Fanucci
players failed to get Babe into the championships.
Fanucci experts believe that Babe's difficulty with the
game could be traced to one weakness: his failure to
remember that three undertrumps after an opponent's
discard of a Trebled Fromp is an indefensible gambit.
By 782 GUE, the Babe was such a phenomenal
drawing card that Dimwit constructed the kingdom's
largest sporting arena, Flathead Stadium, in his
honor. It was there, during the shark-wrestling semi-
finals in 789 GUE, that the youngest of the Twelve
Flatheads met his end.
Barbawit Flathead was the tenth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He came to the throne after
Duncwit, and was succeeded by Idwit Oogle. He
reigned from Flatheadia in the years 843-845.
Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, the great-
great-grandson of King Duncanthrax, ruled the Great
Underground Empire from 770 GUE to 789 GUE. He
was the seventh king of the Flathead Dynasty,
coming to the throne after Mumberthrax, and before
Loowit. Born in 723 GUE, Dimwit was
Mumberthrax's firstborn, and grew up as heir to the
throne of Quendor. A tad spoiled, little Dimwit was
fond of torturing his nannies in the Egreth castle
dungeon.
Dimwit spent most of his early adulthood vacationing
(with 40,000 attendants) in the sparsely populated
Eastlands across the Great Sea. Dimwit despised the
outdoors, and he was petrified of rain, which puddled
embarrassingly on his level pate. He soon became
enthralled by the underground caverns in those areas,
an interest that was to change the course of the
Kingdom.
When Mumberthrax felt death's icy hand in 770
GUE, Dimwit began his reign. Described by Boswell
Barwell as "vibrant," Dimwit has also been portrayed
as "the single worst ruler the Empire ever produced."
(The Great Underground Empire: A History, by
Froboz Mumbar) Dimwit moved the capital of
Quendor from Egreth in the Westlands to Aragain in
the Eastlands on 14 Jam 771. Aragain, a small
village, was transformed and renamed Flatheadia.
Another indication of Dimwit's vanity was_ his
renaming of the Great Sea to the Flathead Ocean.
Dimwit also decreed that Quendor be called "The
Great Underground Empire." These names are now
used interchangeably.
Lord Dimwit's vanity was surpassed only by his
outrageous sense of proportion. For example, his
coronation took 13 years to plan (and therefore took
place two-thirds of the way through his reign), lasted
an additional year and a half, and cost 12 times the
Empire's GNP. This incredible ceremony quickly
earned him the nickname Lord Dimwit Flathead the
Excessive. More evidence of his excessiveness came
in 783 when, on a whim, he ordered the erection of
Flood Control Dam #3, an underground project
whose uselessness (it never rains underground!) and
its cost (37 million zorkmids!) did not diminish its
magnificence. He also had huge granola smelters
built near the Antharian Granola Mines of Plumbat.
Dimwit also developed an incredible urge for odd
candies. He commissioned the Frobozz Magic Candy
Company to make him candied grasshoppers,
chocolate ants, and worms glacee. His love for these
was only surpassed by his desire for rare chocolate
truffles. In order to indulge his bottomless appetite,
he ordered the excavation of entire forests where the
truffles grew. Another of Lord Dimwit's
accomplishments was the creation of the Royal
Museum to house the crown jewels. Built in 776
GUE and dedicated the next year, this Museum had
incredibly tight security that actually showed restraint
on the part of the king. He had originally planned to
build the museum under two miles of mountain, and
surround it with 500 feet of steel. This rare moment
of self-control was probably due in some part to the
sound advice of one of his chief advisors, Lord
Feepness. His other advisor, Delbor of Gurth, was
probably too frightened to give his opinion in the
matter.
Some bitter chroniclers have described Dimwit's
castle at Flatheadia as his biggest folly. It covered
8600 square bloits, and housed, at one time, over
90% of the empire's population. At this point,
discerning readers will have noted that all of
Dimwit's acts seemed to have been to gratify his ego.
This, however, is not true. When the Endless Fire of
773 destroyed the city of Mareilon, Lord Dimwit
Flathead issued over the following few weeks a series
of 5,521 edicts severely limiting access to magic,
and, incidentally, lawyers. These edicts resulted in
the blossoming of the highly successful institutions of
the Guilds of Enchanters.
Lord Dimwit gave all of his underground projects to
the Frobozz Magic Cave Company, chiefly because
his brother, John D. Flathead, was President of
FrobozzCo International, the Magic Cave Company's
parent company. Another of Dimwit's projects that
involved the Cave Company was his plan to quench
and then hollow out a mighty volcano near
Flatheadia. Dimwit was fond of this idea, and
personally reviewed the plans at each stage.
After the volcano project was finished, the king
conceived of two more stupendous projects. The
second idea, never to be realized, was the creation of
a new continent in the center of the Flathead Ocean.
The outline and contours of the new continent would
have been a gigantic reproduction of his own visage.
Fortunately for mapmakers, Dimwit passed away in
789 before he could accomplish his final goal. Not
surprisingly, his vanity would bring about the end of
his Empire, and his life.
In 789 Dimwit ordered the defoliation of 1400 square
bloits of lush forest in the Fublio Valley to erect a
nine-bloit-high statue of himself, lending credence to
the Royal motto, "A truly great ruler is larger than
life." One resident of Fublio Valley was not
impressed. The matter came to a head at a banquet
thrown by Dimwit to celebrate his new statue. This
banquet, a minor affair that used 300 dragons to feed
a few thousand guests, saw the conception of the last
two royal proposals of Dimwit's reign. Wishing to
have a dedication for his statue, he suggested giving
everyone in the Kingdom a year off, and inviting
them to Fublio Valley. The second main topic of
discussion at the banquet was Dimwit's idea for a
new continent. The empire simply did not have
enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness, the
voice of sanity in the realm, pointed out that raising
the tax rate from 98% to 100% simply would not be a
wise political move. Lord Dimwit, never satisfied,
proposed adopting everyone in the Kingdom and
telling them that he'd cut off their allowances.
Just at that moment, the great mage Megaboz
appeared amidst a cloud of smoke. Furious at the
statue darkening his home of Fublio Valley, he
cursed Dimwit's life, family, and Empire. In only a
few moments, Lord Dimwit and his eleven siblings
came to a sudden death, thus ending one of the most
colorful chapters in the history of Quendor. The court
magicians were able to postpone the other effects of
Megaboz's Curse for quite some time. Ninety-four
years later, on 14 Mumberbur 883, in the reign of
Wurb Flathead, the Empire came to an end.
Flatheadia was destroyed, and the age of the Flathead
Dynasty was over.
Dunewit Flathead was the ninth king of the Flathead
Dynasty. He came to the throne after Loowit, and
was succeeded by Barbawit. He reigned from
Flatheadia in the years 813-843.
Elvis Flathead was a hit singer who lived during the
ninth century GUE. He is best known for his hit
songs, "Love Is Blind," and "Hellhound," as in "You
ain't nothing but a - ." His first concert was in 841
GUE.
Ernie Flathead was the manager of numerous coal
mines in the Great Underground Empire, most
notably Coal Mine #502, located close to the Great
Underground Highway #2, near Egreth. He most
likely lived during the reign of King Duncanthrax in
the seventh century GUE.
Fiorello Flathead: This man, alive in the 8th century
GUE, was the brother of King Mumberthrax. Fiorello
is not an example of an honest, moral citizen. This is
best shown by the pressure he exerted on the coaches
of various Little League athletic teams in order to
ensure that his nephew, Babe Flathead, was always
captain of the team. It is also known that Flathead
attained the office of Mayor, although it is uncertain
in which city he did so.
Frank Lloyd Flathead (741 - 789 GUE): As
children, all the Flathead siblings adored playing with
blocks. (Nanny Beeble, governess to the children,
recalls that many had teams of slaves whose
exclusive job it was to move the larger blocks.)
However, only Frank Lloyd drew plans _ before
building.
Frank Lloyd got his big break at the tender age of 17,
when his father, King Mumberthrax, commissioned
him to design a new wing for Castle Egreth. The
resulting wing was breathtakingly impressive. As
Frank Lloyd himself wrote, "the conjunction of space
and time seems to interface in a_pre-subjected
instantiation of the underrepresented whole." Frank
Lloyd became, overnight, the hottest architect in the
Kingdom. (The fact that the new wing of Egreth
collapsed two years later, killing over 4,000 royal
guests, was credited to a miscalculation on the
stonemason's part. He was summarily executed.)
His reputation established, Frank Lloyd designed
virtually every important Quendorian building during
his three decades as Official Court Architect. His
designs ranged from his vacation chalet in the Gray
Mountains to the Great Meeting Hall of the
Enchanters' Guild in Borphee, but Frank Lloyd is best
known for his most ambitious work: the 400-story
FrobozzCo Building in Flatheadia.
Overlooking exaggerations such as "on a clear day
you can see the FrobozzCo Building from anywhere
in the world," it is still the most ambitious building
ever designed or built. A FrobozzCo Building
address is most prestigious, and Frank Lloyd himself
had a penthouse office, until a slight case of
acrophobia forced him to relocate to a nineteenth-
story office with a pleasant southern exposure.
The carcinogenic chemicals used in the eighth
century to create blueprints finally took their toll on
Frank Lloyd, and he died in 789 GUE.
Idwit Oogle Flathead was the eleventh king of the
Flathead Dynasty, and father of Wurb Flathead. Idwit
came to the throne after Barbawit, and reigned from
Flatheadia in the years 845-881, when he was
succeeded by his son.
J. Pierpont Flathead (730 - 789 GUE): As a child, J.
Pierpont demonstrated both the flair for capitalism
and the resourcefulness which would make him the
most successful banker in all of Quendor. The
enterprising eight-year-old opened a lemonade stand
in the center of Egreth Village, using the royal militia
to force citizens to buy the lemonade. At spearpoint,
most people were willing to pay little J. Pierpont's
exorbitant price of 300 zorkmids per glass. Ice was
extra.
He also used the militia to quash the other lemonade
stands in the city, and later to shut off all other
beverage sources as well. As the prices at his
lemonade stand soared into quadruple digits, J.
Pierpoint quickly realized the benefits of monopolies.
In 749, at the age of nineteen, J. Pierpont became a
clerk at the Bank of Zork. Six weeks later, following
a rash of disappearances of his successive bosses, J.
Pierpont became the youngest Chairman of the Board
in the bank's history, a testament to his financial
acumen.
As Chairman, he used his royal connections to
eliminate all competing banks, increasing the Bank of
Zork's market share from 99.2% to 100%. (He was
later able to increase this number to 131% by
encouraging customers to deposit their money several
times.) He also supervised the installation of the
latest magic-based security techniques to guard the
bank's vault and deposit box areas. For unknown
reasons, J. Pierpont hired exclusively gnomes to fill
his teller and security positions.
J. Pierpont Flathead served as the Chairman of the
Board until his odd disappearance in 789 GUE, when
he entered one of the bank's vaults and never re-
emerged. Although gone, he is not forgotten;
reproductions of his portrait still hang in every
branch of the Bank of Zork.
Johann Sebastian Flathead (728 - 789 GUE): In
732 GUE, the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra was
formed. Because of the woeful lack of orchestral
music in existence, the FPO usually settled for
playing baroque versions of old folk tunes and
popular dance numbers. Seven years later, the FPO
performed their first symphony. The piece was
notable because of the age of its author, a precocious
eleven-year-old named Johann Sebastian Flathead.
As he matured, Johann's symphonies increased in
length, while his audiences mysteriously decreased in
size. (No reasonable postulation has been made to
explain Johann's lack of popularity. It is the belief of
this author that the short attention span of the general
public precluded it from sitting still for the whole of
one of his symphonies.) His Symphony #981, the so-
called Infinite Symphony, contained over 60,000
movements; over the course of its only performace,
several members of the orchestra retired and were
replaced by their children or grandchildren.
Dimwit recognized a kindred spirit in his younger
brother, and appointed him official court composer in
771. Later that year, he wrote his famous "Flatheadia
Overture for Rack and Pendulum" to celebrate the
dedication of Dimwit's new dungeon. He spent his
latter years composing music for ever more grandiose
instruments, such as his Concerto for Woodwinds
and Waterfalls. Johann was killed in 789 when a
mishap occurred during a rehearsal of his Minuet for
Violin and Volcano.
John D. Flathead (725 - 789 GUE): King
Duncanthrax formed the Frobozz Magic Construction
Company in 667 GUE to enlarge the underground
caverns of the Eastlands. Affiliated companies, such
as the Frobozz Magic Dirt Disposal Company, and
the Frobozz Magic Underground Sewer Installation
Company, soon followed. The next year, FrobozzCo
International was formed as a parent company for the
burgeoning subsidiaries.
By 743, there were more than 17,000 subsidiaries of
FrobozzCo. That same year, a young entrepreneur
named John D. Flathead graduated from _ the
venerable Borphee Business School. At age 22, John
D. founded Flathead Industries. FI's business was
inventing other companies, which it would then sell
to FrobozzCo. Within three years, FI had an annual
income of 80,000,000 zorkmids. Eventually, the
conglomerate decided to buy FI, renaming it the
Frobozz Magic Company Company. John D. became
one of FrobozzCo's 39,000 vice-presidents.
It didn't take John D. long to parlay his business
acumen and royal connections into the chairmanship
of FrobozzCo. Years of heady growth followed.
When John D.'s older brother Dimwit became king,
FrobozzCo received every contract for Dimwit's
incredible projects. Hundreds of new subsidiaries
were formed daily; in 781 a huge 400-story
headquarters opened in Flatheadia.
John D.'s long-time goal was for FrobozzCo to
control every single zorkmid of commerce in the
Great Underground Empire. The lone holdout, a
small rutabaga farm in Mithicus, finally sold out to
FrobozzCo in 789. John D. never heard the news,
however. He disappeared, along with a huge
entourage, while touring the factories of the Frobozz
Magic Snowmaking Equipment Company in the
Gray Mountains.
John D. Flathead II - X were all descendants of the
original John D., and were, like him, all chairmen of
FrobozzCo International at one time or another. The
only specific date we have on file is that John D. X
took over the Chairmanship of the Board from his
father on the first of February, 948.
John Paul Flathead (738 - 789 GUE): All the
Flathead aunts and uncles predicted early on that
John Paul would find his destiny at sea. He loved
boats so much that the royal carpenters were ordered
to produce a flotilla of 1,400 vessels for his bathtub.
(His bathtub had to be consequently enlarged; a large
inland sea resulted.)
From an early age, John Paul suffered from an
inferiority complex derived from being the second
"John" among the Flathead children. (In his
autobiography, Mumberthrax explains that when he
named John Paul he "simply forgot about John D.")
This complex made John Paul determined to become
a world-famous seafaring adventurer.
At sea, his feats ranged from the courageous (he was
the first person to traverse the Great Sea in a one-man
ship) to the curious (he set a new record for the most
circumnavigations of Antharia on a raft towed by
groupers).
In 766 GUE, at the age of 28, John Paul joined the
royal navy; by 771, he was the ranking admiral; by
773, every ship in the navy had been sunk or lost at
sea. John Paul retired shortly thereafter.
He spent his latter days touring the Flathead Ocean,
collecting curious and unusual pets from all corners
of the world. Among the most interesting: a large
blue toad named "Otto" who was known for his
extraordinary appetite and his curmudgeonly
personality.
John Paul died in 789 GUE, during a vacation in
Grubbo-by-the-Sea, when his old nemesis, the great
white jellyfish, finally caught up with him.
Leonardo Flathead (731 - 789): Little notice was
taken of Leonardo Flathead as a child. He was shy
and quiet, and quite overshadowed by his aggressive
older brothers. It wasn't until his arrival at Galepath
University that his genius blossomed and the world
began to take notice.
While at the University, Leonardo wrote several
major treatises which revolutionized _ scientific
thought. The most famous of these disproved the
hoary myth that the world sits on the back of a giant
turtle, proving instead that the world actually rests on
the head of an enormous troll.
After his University days were over, Leonardo turned
from science to art. He became the most famous
painter in the land: noblemen from every province
were escorted to his studio by Dimwit's personal
militia to have their portraits painted.
Unfortunately, during his later years Leonardo
became quite senile, and his painting style
deteriorated. He took to flinging paint at his canvases
in much the same way that a Borphee baker flings
bits of dough into a hot oven to make Frobolli Cakes.
His studio became caked with layer upon layer of
splattered paint. It was during this period that his
famous incomplete work, "Obstructed View of
Fjord," was lost.
Leonardo made a final, feeble attempt to recapture
his former greatness by moving to other media beside
paint, but these efforts led to his tragic end. In 789,
while working on a large statue intended for the
harbor of Antharia, he suffered a fatal plunge into a
vat of molten granola.
Leo "The Lip" Flathead: A renowned card-shark.
Loowit Flathead was the eighth king of the Flathead
Dynasty. He came to the throne after Dimwit, and
was succeeded by Duncwit. He reigned from
Flatheadia in the years 789-813.
Lucrezia Flathead (735 - 789): Of all the Twelve
Flatheads, it is most difficult to separate history from
legend when studying Lucrezia, the only sister to
eleven aggressive brothers. Showing a total lack of
understanding for her delicate position, detractors
have cruelly tried to claim that Lucrezia had a warped
mind. At the tender age of sixteen, Lucrezia married
a very rich but very old nobleman from Gurth,
Marcus Bzart-Foodle. Ten-and-a-half months later,
he died in bed with his bride. Afterward, Bzart-
Foodle's doctor could not recall whether he had
warned Lucrezia to avoid over-exciting her husband's
weak heart.
Lucrezia's second husband, a wealthy land baron
from Mareilon named Oddzoe Glorb III, was found
dead just five weeks after the wedding, his body
mangled by hellhounds. It was quite understandable
that Lucrezia had her multi-volume hellhound
training manual removed from the house at once; the
sight of it must have brought back tragic memories.
Five days later, Lucrezia sought consolation in a third
marriage, to the Governor of Antharia, Hirax
Mumbleton. Only two days after that, Antharia was
without a governor. Hirax had been discovered in his
office, smothered under a ton of raw granola. His
sobbing widow immediately cancelled delivery of her
daily truckloads of granola, in order to avoid any
similar tragedies. After her next fifteen husbands, all
wealthy lords, died in their wedding nights, royal
insiders reported that she was so distraught by her
tragic string of bad luck that she was becoming
dangerously suicidal. Elder brother Dimwit was
finally forced into action, and had her locked up in a
cell in the dungeon for her own safety. She
languished in that cell for the remaining fifteen years
of her life. During this period, some 1,800 prison
guards were mysteriously poisoned. Some legends
say that her own death, in 789, was self-induced.
Mumberthrax Flathead the Insignificant, the sixth
king of the Flathead Dynasty, ruled the kingdom
from Egreth Castle during the years 755-770.
Historians note that Mumberthrax's reign was
significant for exactly thirteen, and only thirteen,
reasons. The first reason was his royal decree that
made Double Fanucci the National Sport of Quendor.
As for the other reasons, Boswell Barwell writes that
"Mumberthrax's place in history was secured by the
one thing at which Flatheads tended to excel:
procreation." Mumberthrax was the father of the
famed Twelve Flatheads.
O'Flathead, the great humorist, would have quite
probably gotten a chuckle out of the Double Fanucci
rule suspending the game when one player leads by
more than 1241 points. The irony involved in playing
so long without a decision is the same type of humor
O'Flathead was noted for.
Oliver Wendell Flathead, a great jurist, handed
down his decisions from the bench of the court in
Flatheadia.
Phloid Flathead was the fifth king of the Flathead
Dynasty. He came to the throne after Timberthrax,
and was succeeded by Mumberthrax. He reigned
from Egreth Castle in the years 738-755.
Ralph Waldo Flathead (737 - 789): An unspoken
Flathead family motto was "quantity over quality,"
and no one demonstrated that tenet better than Ralph
Waldo. During his 40-plus years of putting pen to
parchment, he wrote 912 novels, 4,000 short stories,
and an incredible 87,000 sonnets. His essays have
never been successfully counted.
Ralph Waldo spent eleven years at Antharia
University, collecting a chestful of degress, including
three doctorates: Doctor of Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of
Excellent Elegies, and Doctor of Octameter Odes. He
was very proud of his academic accomplishments,
and always signed his name "Ralph Waldo Flathead,
D.LP., D.E.E., D.O.0."
Fresh out of college and flush with the enthusiasm of
youth, Ralph Waldo wrote a series of lengthy essays
which he hoped would uplift the human spirit. Sadly
and inexplicably, these essays lifted little more than
the profits of the Frobozz Magic Writing Paper
Company. The essays from this period include "On
the Benefits of Keeping Ears Clean" and "Why
Doorknobs are Necessary." Also during this period,
he wrote "On the Discoloration of Roadside Slush,"
but the manuscript was lost before it could be
published, leaving Ralph Waldo disconsolate for
years.
During his middle years, Ralph Waldo spent nearly
half a decade living in the granola mines of Antharia.
It was during this period that he wrote his longest
work, a 60,000-verse epic about the varieties of moss
that one finds in granola mines. Toward the end of
his life, Ralph Waldo specialized in exploring related
themes, as brilliantly demonstrated by the four
sonnets found by his deathbed:
e Sonnet #87,177 "Ode to a Tiny Moist Avocado
Pit"
e Sonnet #87,178 "Ode to Another Tiny Moist
Avocado Pit"
e Sonnet #87,179
Avocado Pits"
e Sonnet #87,180 "Ode to Two Still-Tiny-But-
Less-Moist Avocado Pits"
"Ode to Two Tiny Moist
Ralph Waldo died in 789 GUE. An autopsy revealed
that the cause of death was an overdose of avocados.
Thomas Alva Flathead (730 - 789): Many have
mastered the magical arts; few applied them to the
creation of practical devices as masterfully as the
great inventor Thomas Alva Flathead.
His brilliance was evident even in childhood. Thomas
Alva, the sixth son in his family, was constantly
tormented by his siblings: no sooner would he get a
toy to play with than some older brother would
snatch it away. Thomas Alva quickly remedied the
situation by inventing powerful steel traps which, at
first glance, looked exactly like toy boats or stuffed
dornbeasts.
As an adult, Thomas Alva produced a seemingly
endless stream of inventions from his laboratory,
Froblo Park. His most useful inventions include the
magic room spinner and the magic compressor, but
he is probably best-known as the inventor of the
battery-powered brass lantern.
Thomas Alva also made a number of breakthroughs
in the area of personally-ingested magic. His most
famous invention in this area was a yellowish-green
potion which allowed humans to talk to plants.
All of these inventions were marketed by FrobozzCo
International, providing Thomas Alva with generous
royalties. But he spurned wealth, living in a small
room behind his laboratory and sleeping on an
unfinished wooden board. Thomas Alva died in 789
GUE from a severe case of splinters.
Timberthrax Flathead was the fourth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He came to the throne after
Frobwit, and was succeeded by Phloid. He reigned
from Egreth Castle in the years 727-738.
T. J. Stonewall" Flathead (726 - 789) received his
celebrated nickname while serving as a Squire in the
Royal Army during the famous Battle of The
Stonewall in 747 GUE. The Stonewall was a
strategically vital locale, commanding the two most
important caverns of the Eastlands. When reports
arrived that rebellious natives had captured The
Stonewall, T.J. Flathead and his garrison were
assigned the mission of retaking it.
After a battle lasting seven weeks, during which T.J.'s
men suffered a casualty rate of nearly 75%, the
garrison stormed The Stonewall. Once in command
of it, they discovered that the reports had been
erroneous: The Stonewall was completely
undefended, and the supposedly rebellious natives
were actually all vacationing in the Gray Mountains.
Nevertheless, T.J.'s tactics and strategies during the
battle were brilliant, and he would henceforth be
known as Stonewall Flathead.
Stonewall rose quickly through the ranks, and in 755
GUE he became General of the Royal Army. During
his 34 years in command, he squelched three
provincial rebellions and over 12,000 tax riots.
Fortunately, his unlimited conscription powers
helped mitigate the 98% casualty rate his army
suffered during these difficult battles.
Stonewall died in 789 GUE during the Battle of
Ragweed Gulch, when he was accidentally shot by
one of his own men.
Ursula Flathead: The Miss Miznia of 878 GUE has
been called the "Sex Goddess of the Great
Underground Empire." The editors would be hard-
pressed to disagree with the phrase, especially
considering a series of posters showing Ursula in a
suggestive pose, wearing minimal cover.
Vanna Flathead is one of few members of the
Flathead family who could be called a sissy. Her
name has become a part of the vernacular due to
Double Fanucci players who invoke her name to
mock their opponent's impotence.
Wurb Flathead, son of Idwit Oogle Flathead, was
the twelfth and final king in the Flathead dynasty.
Born on Oracle 3rd, he assumed the throne in 881,
and his reign came to an abrupt end on the 14th of
Mumberbur, 883, when the Curse of Megaboz,
delayed for 94 years, finally succeeded in destroying
the reign of the Flatheads.
Wurb has been given bad press by those who feel that
his remarkable feeble-mindedness was responsible
for the fall of the Empire. The truth of the matter is
that Dimwit Flathead's bad policies caused Megaboz
to cast his Curse, while Wurb did his best to fight off
his inevitable downfall. His most notable act as king
was to offer one half of the wealth of the kingdom to
anyone who could forestall the Curse. When this did
nothing to prevent the Empire's downfall, Wurb lost
his throne and moved somewhere else.
Flatheadia was the capital of the Great Underground
Empire from 770 GUE, when Lord Dimwit Flathead
built his castle there, to the fall of the Empire in 883.
(The former seat of royal government was Egreth, in
the Westlands. Dimwit's love of the Eastlands has
always been given as the main motive behind the
capital's relocation.) Before 770, Flatheadia had been
called Aragain. In a surprisingly short amount of
time, that small village was transformed and
renamed, quickly becoming the center of civilization
as it was then known.
At its peak, the castle at Flatheadia housed 90% of
the Empire's population. The nearby village-turned-
metropolis was home to the Underground Revenue
Service, the Postal Service, and various temples and
courts of law. The dominating feature of the
Flatheadia landscape after 781 was the 400-story
FrobozzCo World Headquarters Building, designed
by Frank Lloyd Flathead. Much like Egreth, its
counterpart in the Westlands, Flatheadia was the
focus of all new underground tunneling and exploring
in the area.
It is a well-known historical fact that splendor never
lasts, and this was indeed the case with Flatheadia.
The population of Flatheadia steadily declined after
Dimwit's death in 789, due to fears of the Curse of
Megaboz. These fears became reality when, in 883,
the Curse that had been postponed 94 years
succeeded in destroying the Empire, and Flatheadia
along with it. All that remains of Flatheadia today is a
simple white house.
Twelve Flatheads: As every student of history
knows, the Twelve Flatheads were the greater part of
the Thirteen Significant Accomplishments of King
Mumberthrax the Insignificant. In the immortal
words of Boswell Barwell, the royal biographer:
"Mumberthrax's place in history was secured by the
one thing at which the Flatheads tended to excel:
procreation. He sired twelve amazing children;
twelve offspring who would transform the kingdom.
As these magnificent siblings grew in notoriety, as
their vast achievements became legendary, they
became known as The Twelve Flatheads." The first
of the twelve, Dimwit, was born in 723, 25 years
before the birth of the youngest, Babe. All of the
twelve were killed on 14 Mumberbur 789 as a result
of the Curse of Megaboz. Although several of the
twelve bodies were never recovered, an underground
crypt in the Eastlands is advertised as holding the
mortal remains of the Twelve. This archaeological
dilemma has never been adequately solved, but it is
commonly believed that the crypt merely holds
accurate models of the heads of the Flatheads.
Falsehood-in-advertising charges are currently being
investigated against the author of the following sign
over the crypt: "Here lie the Flatheads, whose heads
were placed on poles by the keeper of the Dungeon
for amazing untastefulness.". More information on
each of the Twelve can be found in the following
specific entries: Dimwit, John D., T.J. "Stonewall",
Johann Sebastian, J. Pierpont, Thomas Alva,
Leonardo, Lucrezia, Ralph Waldo, John Paul, Frank
Lloyd, and Babe Flathead.
Flathead Fjord: The beautiful Flathead Fjord is an
ocean inlet which divides the great mountains of the
Eastlands into two ranges: the Gray Mountains, on
the north side of the fjord, and the Flathead
Mountains, south of the fjord. Leonardo Flathead
love to paint near the Fjord in his later years, and it is
here that he worked on his famous incomplete work,
"Obstructed View of Fjord."
Flathead Mountains: This towering range in the
Eastlands runs north to south, forming the eastern
border of the Frigid River Valley. Beyond the
mountains, the Fenshire Swamp extends to the edge
of the world. Near the southern end of the range, the
Zorbel Pass permits passage to the Fublio Valley. If
mountain climbing turns you on, the Flathead
Mountains offer one of the best challenges anywhere.
The Flathead Ocean divides the world into the
Eastlands and the Westlands. It was called the Great
Sea until the time of Dimwit Flathead, and it is still
known by its earlier name in many parts of the land.
This Ocean has a very unusual feature - its western
shore basks in the sunlight, while its eastern shore
lies far underground.
Flathead Stadium, located just to the north of
Anthar, is supposedly large enough to hold every
man, woman, and child in Quendor. The Stadium is
often referred to as "The House That Babe Built," a
tribute to Babe Flathead's popularity as a gate
attraction. In fact Dimwit Flathead ordered the
construction of the stadium in 782 in Babe's honor.
From that year onward a whole range of sporting
events were held in the stadium, including Double
Fanucci tournaments, dragonfights, and shark-
wrestling, which led to Babe's death in 789. This
tragedy did not prevent the continuation of shark-
wrestling every weekend during the summer.
Flathead, the urban planner, helped design the plans
for The Evil One to transform Festeron into
Witchville.
Flood Control Dam #3 is a staggering engineering
feat that must be seen to be believed. It was
constructed in year 783 of the Great Underground
Empire to harness the mighty Frigid River. This work
was supported by a grant of 37 million zorkmids
from the local omnipotent tyrant of the era, Lord
Dimwit Flathead the Excessive. This impressive
structure is composed of 370,000 cubic feet of
concrete, is 256 feet tall at the center, and 193 feet
wide at the top. The lake created behind the dam has
a volume of 1.7 billion cubic feet, an area of 12
million square feet, and a shore line of 36 thousand
feet. A popular legend indicates that Lord Dimwit
had originally intended to name the dam FCD #2, an
entirely random designation, since there were no
other such dams in existence.
20
Prince Foo was the last ruler of Pheebor and owner
of the Phee Helm, about 400 years before the reign of
Entharion. When Foo was beheaded by someone he
called an "eastern fop" from Borphee, the glorious
age of Pheebor ended, and Borphee rose to the
prominence it now enjoys.
Saint Foobus of Galepath, a legendary man said to
have power over lowly insects, has a holiday in his
honor on 4 Oracle of each year. One of the most
obscure spots in the Great Underground Empire is a
cleverly hidden shrine to Foobus, deep underground
in the Eastlands. This shrine holds a statue of the
saint carved out of the wall of the cave. The sculptor
of the statue obviously spent a lot more time on the
statue than the saint deserved. It is now known that
Foobus achieved his powers over insects with the aid
of a magical elixir deadly to humans.
Jezbar Foolion wrote a history of Duncanthrax's
ascent to power called The New Year's Revolt.
Lester Foozilbarmumboz is noted for his well-read
book, G.U.E. on Nine Zorkmids A Day, published in
873. This book is the source of many population and
distance figures quoted in this Encyclopedia.
Forburn the Wily, Double Fanucci champion, raised
the level of play in Double Fanucci championships
the moment he was dealt his cards. With a handicap
of only 0.01, his greatest skill was drawing Trebled
Fromps.
Forburn never formally studied magic, but won a
spell book from an unsuspecting G.U.E. Tech student
in a 902 GUE Fanucci match. Bringing new meaning
to the word "chiseler" wherever he went, his most
famous saying was, "The Encyclopedia Frobozzica
calls Double Fanucci a 'game played with cards.’ I
don't play games; I don't play anything."
People acquainted with Double Fanucci know that
there is a 79 point play named after Forburn himself,
called the Forburn Chisel.
Fort Griffspotter once guarded the lands near
Egreth Castle from attack by sea. The Fort was
equipped with parade grounds, barracks, an armory,
and remarkable cast-iron cannon emplacements. In
665 the forces of Duncanthrax vanquished the
Antharian Armada at the famous battle of Fort
Griffspotter. This battle gave Duncanthrax
undisputed control over the Great Sea.
The Four Fantastic Flies of Famathria, each bigger
and more succulent than the last, is a legend
fabricated by a race of toad creatures who once lived
somewhere beyond the oceans of the world. Seafarers
reports that these toads were ugly, cantankerous, and
eternally hungry. Like most legends, the tale of the
Four Flies has its roots in fact. Four Flies matching
that description were known to exist in the Eastlands
in 883 GUE, but were eaten by Otto the Toad.
A Fox is a common animal.
The Frigid River has the most severe currents and
dangerous rapids known to man, and is without a
doubt the mightiest river in the Great Underground
Empire. It forms at the spill-off of Flood Control
Dam #3, pours over Aragain Falls, and finally
empties into the Great Sea at the southern end of the
Frigid River Valley. The total length, from dam to
river delta, is over 150 bloits. On the first day of
summer in the days of the Empire, crowds lined the
banks of the Frigid River for a spectacular sight: the
annual opening of the floodgates of FCD #3.
The Frigid River Valley, a province of the Great
Underground Empire with a population of 98,330,
encompasses the 15,322 square bloits which form the
runoff basin of the Frigid River. Considered the
backwater of the Great Underground Empire, this
province is difficult to get to, has very unpredictable
weather, and has virtually no local government to
speak of. However, this province is notable for the
Flathead Mountains, the Aragain Falls, the Royal
Museum, Flood Control Dam #3, and the location of
Flatheadia, the former capital of the Empire.
Lorissa Frob wrote a book called Wouldn't It Be Fun
To Live Underground?
Frobar is the most loyal and hard-working member
of the Accardi Guild of Enchanters. However, he is
somewhat dull and lacks imaginations. He will most
likely never become head of the Circle of Enchanters.
Frobizzan Moss is the official flower of the Gray
Mountains Province.
Uncle Frobizzmus is the author of a history of the
fall of the Great Underground Empire called So You
Want To Sack an Empire.
Froblo Park was the laboratory of Thomas Alva
Flathead, located near Flatheadia Castle in the
Eastlands. It was here that he invented a seeminly
endless stream of devices, including a magic room
spinner, a magic compressor, a magic shape-changer,
and a battery-powered brass lantern.
21
Frobolli Cakes are a popular Borphee dessert made
by flinging bits of dough into a hot oven.
Frobozz, an ancient province in the northern part of
the Westlands, is the site of many historic settlements
such as Galepath, Mareilon, and the Castle
Largoneth. This province of Frobozz corresponds
roughly to the Kingdom of Quendor during the reign
of Entharion. After the downfall of the kingdom in
883, the entire area came to be referred to as the Land
of Frobozz, after its largest province.
J.B. Frobozz: Although history tells us that
FrobozzCo has its origins in a company formed by
King Duncanthrax, it is popularly believed that it was
really founded by a J.B. Frobozz, whose motto was
"Sell Good Magical Aids."
FrobozzCo International is a vast conglomerate of
thousands upon thousands of companies. It can trace
its origin to the Frobozz Magic Cave Company,
which was formed at the behest of King Duncanthrax
in 668 GUE. (Please see entry on J.B. Frobozz)
Affiliated companies, such as the Frobozz Magic Dirt
Disposal Company, and the Frobozz Magic
Underground Sewer Installation Company, soon
followed. The same year, FrobozzCo International
was formed as a parent company for the burgeoning
subsidiaries. By 743, there were more than 17,000
subsidiaries.
That same year, a young entrepreneur named John D.
Flathead graduated from the venerable Borphee
Business School. John D. founded Flathead
Industries to invent other companies, which it would
then sell to FrobozzCo. Within three years, Flathead
Industries had an annual income of 80 million
zorkmids. Eventually, the conglomerate decided to
buy FI, renaming it the Frobozz Magic Company
Company.
Once John D. became one of FrobozzCo's 39,000
vice-presidents he was quickly able to become
Chairman of the Board, as eventually would nine
generations of his descendants. When John D.'s older
brother Dimwit became king, FrobozzCo received
every contract for Dimwit's incredible projects.
Hundreds of new subsidiaries were formed daily; in
the year 778 18,000 additional companies were
formed or taken over. FrobozzCo, whose company
motto is "You name it, we do it," was able to
proclaim that it produced everything from aardvarks
to zwieback. John D. Flathead's long-time goal was
for FrobozzCo to control every single zorkmid of
commerce in the Great Underground Empire. This
was realized in 789 when the lone holdout, a small
rutabaga farm in Mithicus, finally sold out to
FrobozzCo.
This financial explosion led to the construction by the
Magic Cave Company of a huge 400-story company
headquarters in Flatheadia in the year 781. This
building, designed by Frank Lloyd Flathead, was
easily the tallest, most impressive building in all of
Quendor. However, it would not stand forever. In 883
the Curse of Megaboz destroyed Flatheadia, forcing
FrobozzCo to relocate their headquarters to Borphee.
It is interesting to note that the first Dungeon Master,
who indirectly caused the destruction of the
Flatheadia headquarters, was rewarded by Megaboz
with a controlling share of FrobozzCo's stock.
Despite this puzzling political situation FrobozzCo
thrived right up through the end of the Age of Magic.
In fact the company made a killing in the fall of 966
by issuing a Special Crisis Edition of their Magic
Catalog to convince people that even at a time when
magic was failing, FrobozzCo wouldn't fail them. In
this catalog they proclaimed the official FrobozzCo
business philosophy: "Sell good magical aids at a
reasonable profit, treat your customers like super
enchanters, and they'll always come back for more."
Frobwit the Flatter was the third king of the
Flathead Dynasty, ruling the kingdom from Egreth
Castle during the years 701-727 GUE. Frobwit's
reign is noted mainly for a flourishing of the
Thaumaturgic science. During this period the first
reliable magic wand was produced.
Fromps are a suit of cards in the game of Double
Fanucci.
Froon: Legends of this magical kingdom date back
before the reign of Entharion the Wise (0-41 GUE).
Froon was the setting for a series of beloved
children's books by L. Frank Fzort, and later became
a successful movie musical starring Judy Garlic.
In the year 966 a humble peasant-turned-adventurer
discovered that there is truth behind the Froon
legend. This adventurer had the odd experience of
being transported by a tornado to Froon, a place
where apparently no one is taller than two feet. Quite
by accident the adventurer won the gratitude of the
natives by killing the Heeled One, a boot who had
tormented the people of Froon for over 300 years.
For accomplishing this feet, Grope, Mayor of the
City of Froon, offered the adventurer one of three of
the keys to the Kingdom of Froon. These sparse
details are all that is known of this strange, hidden
land.
22
Frostham is the capital of the Gray Mountains
Province.
Quizbo Frotzwit was the Managing Foreman of the
Rockville Estates.
Fublio Valley was once a richly verdant area at the
southern tip of the Flathead Mountains that was
defoliated in the eighth century. In the year 789, Lord
Dimwit Flathead ordered the destruction of 1,400
square bloits, or 400,000 acres, of Fublio Valley
forest to make way for an immense nine-bloit-high
statue of himself. Only recently has the area begun to
return to normal because of this.
Fublio Valley is also noted for a rock quarry, and the
fact that for some odd reason it has always been a
favorite spot for wizards (such as Megaboz, Gumboz
and Korboz) who enjoy a hermitic lifestyle. These
wizards have used the Valley as a site to practice
their magical/religious rituals involving stone cairns.
Fublio Valley was also probably the home of the
painter Frobesius Fublius.
Frobesius Fublius was a painter who specialized in
rebuses. A mysterious figure, he reputedly lived near
Zorbel Pass and vanished toward the end of the
eighth century. Recent historians have speculated that
Fublius and the enchanter Megaboz were one and the
same. Both lived near Zorbel and vanished in the
same time period. Even more compelling is the
discovery that Fublius' rebuses revealed facts about
Megaboz that only Megaboz himself could have
known.
Fungus: A class of saprophytic parasitical plants
which lack chlorophyll and are frequently found in
the less hygienic cavities of brogmoids.
Furbish: A professional athletic sports game played
by Babe Flathead.
Harmonious Fzort was the seventh king of the
Entharion Dynasty, reigning from Largoneth in the
years 451-477. He came to the throne after Zilbo II,
and was succeeded by Bozbo II.
L. Frank Fzort: The author of a series of beloved
children's books set in the magical kingdom of Froon.
Thaddium Fzort was the ninth king of the Entharion
Dynasty, reigning from Largoneth in the years 481-
545. Thaddium was also the one-time owner of the
Crocodile's Tear. He came to the throne after Bozbo
II, and was succeeded by Mumbo I.
S. Fzortbar drew the blueprints to the Rockville
Estates in the year 880 GUE.
Gabber Tumper is a corrupt and simplified form of
Double Fanucci, popular in taverns, and frequently
played for stakes.
Galepath was one of the ancient cities united by
Entharion the Wise to form the Kingdom of Quendor.
Galepath is the site of Galepath University, one of the
prestigious Moss-League colleges. In the fifth
century the scholar Bizboz was on the faculty at
Galepath University, and Leonardo Flathead himself
would attend the University in the eighth century.
Judy Garlic: Star of several movie musicals,
including a successful production based on L. Frank
Fzort's tales of the kingdom of Froon.
Glass Maze: Duncanthrax built the Glass Maze on a
whim, to amuse his friends, and torture his enemies.
A labyrinth of 27 cubicles, it is full of devilish pitfalls
and is located underground near his castle, Egreth,
just off the western branch of the Great Underground
Highway. Since the abandonment of Egreth, the maze
lies unused. It is said that there are secret controls
that change the position of the walls, ceilings, and
floors, or that a sufficient magical force could to the
same thing, but only once, in the struggle to thwart
the demon Jeearr, has such a thing been recorded.
The entrance to the Glass Maze was a magnificent
Hall, graced with a wonderful statue of King
Duncanthrax himself. The base of this statue was
engraved with the words: "I, Duncanthrax, King of
Quendor and all its subjugated outlands, invite you to
sample the delights of my Glass Labyrinth."
The Gloop is the chief unit of liquid measurement in
the Great Underground Empire, named for the sound
that liquid makes when being poured from a glass
container. The holding capacity of flasks, vials,
beakers, and the like are measured in gloops.
Oddzoe Glorb III, a wealthy land baron from
Mareilon, was the second husband of Lucrezia
Flathead. He was found dead five weeks after the
wedding, his body mangled by hellhounds.
Fried Glurz is a popular and delicious dinner dish.
23
A Gnome is a type of dwarf who dwells
underground, guarding its treasures. Occasionally
these gnomes were employed by agencies such as the
Bank of Zork, the Great Underground Highway Toll
System, and Bozbarland. Gnomes make efficient
workers, due to their stubbornness and will-power.
Goobar was a construction worker for the Rockville
Estates.
Granola Riots: The granola mines in northern
Antharia once supplied seemingly limitless quantities
of granola. Since the Granola Riots of 16 Estuary 865
GUE, the causes of which are not clearly known, the
output of the mines has fallen sharply.
The Gray Mountains refer to both a mountain range
and a province. Lying in the far northern part of the
eastlands, the Gray Mountains are a_ harsh
environment, but a mecca for winter sports
enthusiasts, who use the Great Underground
Highway system to flock to the ski resort called
Grayslopes.
The Gray Mountains Province, whose capital is
Frostham, is noted for several tourist attractions: the
hot springs that warm the underground caverns in the
region, Grayslopes, and the frozen surfaces of Lake
Dinge and Mirror Lake, near a vacation chalet
designed by Frank Lloyd Flathead. The 18,370
inhabitants of the province are ruled from Frostham
by a tyrannical governor who is chosen once a month
by lottery. At 13,441 square bloits, the Gray
Mountains Province is larger than Antharia and
Borphee Provinces put together.
The "Fire and Ice Province" has chosen the Frobizzan
Moss for its official flower, and its motto, "Mekie
zimbuz," translates to "Maybe tomorrow."
Great Sea: Please see the entry on the Flathead
Ocean.
The Great Underground Empire: Formerly known
as Quendor, the Great Underground Empire reached
its height under King Duncanthrax, began declining
under the excessive rule of Dimwit Flathead, and
finally fell in 883 GUE. The area is now called the
Land of Frobozz, after its largest province.
Many centuries ago Entharion the Wise united the
warring city-states of Galepath and Mareilon,
forming the Kingdom of Quendor. As the first king
of a long dynasty, Entharion ruled from Castle
Largoneth over a kingdom which was little more than
what is currently the province of Frobozz. Our
current calendar dates from the first year of
Entharion's reign.
Little is known about the early years of the kindgom,
save that it was ruled by a string of obscure rulers
who did little to merit history's recognition.
Eventually the war-like nature of the early city-states
was forgotten, and they all united for good under the
brown and gold flag of Quendor.
Centuries later, in 659, the kingdom of Quendor was
still relatively small, encompassing seven-and-a-half
provinces on the western shore of the Great Sea, an
agrarian land whose major products were rope and
mosquito netting. It was the thirty-first year of the
reign of Zilbo III, the last king of the Entharion
Dynasty, which abruptly came to an end with the
ascension of Duncathrax to the throne of Quendor on
the final day of 659.
After removing Zilbo, Duncanthrax quickly
developed a reputation for cruelty, bloodthirstiness
and aggressiveness, thus earning himself the
nickname "The Bellicose King." He raised a
tremendous army and began a systematic conquest of
the neighboring kingdoms. Within three years,
Duncanthrax ruled an empire that controlled virtually
all the land between the Great Sea and the Kovalli
Desert. It was during this period that the new king
moved the seat of power from Largoneth to Egreth.
In 665, the forces of Duncanthrax vanquished the
Antharian Armada at the famous battle of Fort
Griffspotter. The island-nation of Antharia was, at the
time, the world's premier sea power, and this victory
gave Duncanthrax undisputed control of the Great
Sea and put the superb ship-building facilities of
Antharia at his disposal. After this stunning victory,
the Bellicose King turned his attention to the vast
domain of the Eastlands. In 666 he swept across the
territory with a large invading force, dealing the
natives a key defeat with the Diablo Massacre at the
Zorbel Pass.
As he absorbed the new territory into the kingdom,
Duncanthrax made a startling discovery: huge
caverns and tunnels existed in the Eastlands. These
underground realms inspired Duncanthrax's
imagination; he soon realized that by burrowing into
the ground he could increase the size of his empire
fivefold or even tenfold! He put this plan into motion
in 668 with the creation of the Frobozz Magic
Construction Company. The natural caverns in the
eastern lands were expanded tremendously, and new
caverns and passages were dug in the western lands,
chiefly in the vicinity of Duncanthrax's castle, Egreth.
24
By the time of his death in 688, Duncanthrax ruled
virtually all territory in the known world, above and
below ground.
After Duncanthrax, the throne was occupied by a
long series of his descendants. These were
unspectacular rulers, who took on the surname
Flathead, for obscure reasons not necessarily related
to the planar shape of their pates. During this period
there was very little change in the Empire, as the
conquered kingdoms were assimilated into Quendor
and the frantic pace of tunneling gradually abated.
The beginning of the end for the immense kingdom
came during the reign of Lord Dimwit Flathead
during the eighth century. During his colorful reign,
Dimwit became the first to call Quendor "The Great
Underground Empire," a designation now popularly
preferred to Quendor. He also renamed the Great Sea
"the Flathead Ocean." Preferring the Eastlands, he
moved the Empire's capital to Egreth (in the
Westlands) to Flatheadia (in the Eastlands). In a raw
act of excessiveness, Dimwit ordered the construction
of a nine-bloit-high statue of himself, an act that
angered the powerful mage Megaboz, and eventually
led to the destruction of his empire. (Please see the
entries on Lord Dimwit Flathead and Megaboz.)
The rulers following Dimwit did their best to uphold
his tradition of excessiveness. The high level of
taxation continued, although the money was
increasingly spent not on massive construction
projects but on extravagant parties and long vacation
trips for members of the Royal Family.
During the feeble-minded reign of Wurb Flathead in
883, after countless years of decadence and
overtaxation, the Great Underground Empire was
destroyed by the great Curse of Megaboz. The
underground caverns fell into disuse, coming under
the power of the first Dungeon Master; the Royal
Treasury was sacked, and everyone moved
somewhere else.
The Great Underground Highway is a system of
toll roads stretching throughout both the Eastland and
Westland provinces. The standard Highway toll is
one zorkmid, but tolls can run as high as Zm 3
depending on your point of departure. Toll gates are
usually manned by hired gnomes. To date at least
four branches of the GUH are known to exist:
Number 2, near Egreth, goes from Bozbarland to the
Glass Maze; Number 90 runs from the White Cliffs
Beach to Port Foozle; Number 95 spans an immense
distance from Flatheadia to Fublio Valley; and one
branch even extends all the way to the Gray
Mountains.
Great Void: The infinite empty space that surrounds
the world. It is one of the major tenets of Brog-
moidism that the Great Brogmoid "saveth us from
plunging into the Great Void." One of the major
discoveries of the year 883 was the fact that the Great
Void is not entirely empty. Other worlds do indeed
exist below and above this one, supported by a
presumably infinite string of Brogmoids. Those who
have attempted to jump off the bottom of the world
have reportedly fallen to a new, wondrous world
where purple forests surround lakes of molten rock,
volcanoes belch green-blue smoke into the sky, and
enormous slug-shaped creatures, a bloit long, engage
in fierce combat. This other world is most likely the
same bizarre place visited by the Head of the Circle
of Enchanters. In the year 966 he found a strange
environ filled with living rocks that devoured metal
for nourishment.
Great White Jellyfish: This incredible monster was
the nemesis of John Paul Flathead, and was
responsible for his death near Grubbo-by-the-Sea in
789 GUE.
Grope is the Mayor of the City of Froon.
A Grouper is a large fish found in warm seas such as
the Flathead Ocean. Groupers will willingly eat
almost anything. One obscure fact of vague historical
interest is that John Paul Flathead set a record for the
most circumnavigations of Antharia on a raft towed
by groupers. Of slightly more importance is the fact
that a grouper nest on the bed of the Flathead Ocean
was a hiding place for one of the Cubes of
Foundation.
Grubbo-by-the-Sea is a village on the coast of the
Westlands, near Gurth, Mithicus and Miznia
provinces. The Broken Lantern, a pub in Grubbo, is
noted for its fine parrot stew and morgia root pie,
along with other local delicacies. Grubbo is
essentially a decrepit village, inhabited by bandits
and swarming with rat-ants and discipline crabs.
However, when the Coconut of Quendor was
discovered in 966, Grubbo was the departure point
for a vessel carrying the Coconut to its glorious
destiny.
The Grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark
places of the earth. Its favorite diet is either
adventurers or enchanters, but its insatiable appetite
is tempered by its horrible fear of light. No grues
have ever been seen by the light of day, and only a
25
few have been observed in their underground lairs.
Of those who have seen grues, few ever survived
their fearsome jaws to tell the tale. Grues have sharp
claws and fangs, and an uncontrollable tendency to
slaver and gurgle. They are certainly the most evil-
tempered of all creatures; to say they are touchy is a
dangerous understatement. "Sour as a grue” is a
common expression, even among themselves.
In former days it was believed that all grues were
eradicated from the face of the world during the time
of Entharion, many by his own hand, and his
legendary blade Grueslayer. It is now known that
uncountable hordes of grues escaped the blade of
Entharion and lurked in the bottomless pits of the
underground, until they were accidentally released in
883 by a peasant who would eventually become the
first Dungeon Master. At this time the grues quickly
spread to every part of the Great Underground
Empire, including passages underneath Festeron,
Antharia. It is there that a Festeron postal worker
stumbled into the nesting place of a family of grues.
A close call on the part of this postal worker
demonstrated that only the mother-instincts of a
female grue are strong enough to overcome a grue's
fear of light.
Grues play a minor role in the tale of the demon
Jeearr. During his control of the area surrounding
Egreth Castle, Jeearr was using infernal machines to
breed mutated grues that were not afraid of light.
Luckily for mankind, these grues were never released
into the world at large.
An interesting historical footnote concerning grues is
the fact that one grue lair was, for many eons, the
resting place of one of the Cubes of Foundation. In
order to recover this cube, in 966 the Head of the
Circle of Enchanters was forced to temporarily turn
himself into a grue as a part of a quest that would
eventually result in the end of the Age of Magic.
Grueslayer was the legendary blade of Entharion the
Wise. With this sword he single-handedly slew many
ravenous grues. Although the blade itself is long lost,
the Sheath of Grueslayer survived at least until 966,
when it was seen on sale in an Accardi weapons
shop. The Sheath, as probably with the Blade as well,
had magical powers: he who wears it is blessed with
wondrous powers of recuperation. If the blade
Grueslayer were to resurface, it would definitely
worth at least half the wealth of the kingdom of
Quendor.
Guard Lizards are creatures whose exact nature
remains a mystery. They appear to be nothing more
than the head of a lizard attached to a door, but they
are quite alive and will bite the hand of anyone who
reaches for the door they are attached to. The only
way to pass a guard lizard is to feed it something it
likes, such as insects. It will go to sleep, and appear
to be just another stuffed lizard.
The Guardians of Zork are a military order of
ancient lineage.
G.U.E. Tech is the most prestigious engineering
school in the land. Located in Borphee, the newest of
the Moss-League Colleges produces the young
Enchanters of tomorrow. Students in the School of
Enchantment either take classes in well-known
Enchanter Hall or go through a 12 week "Learn-at-
Home" course. According to recent statistics, over
70% of GUE Tech graduates find careers in magic-
related guilds. Many even go on to start their own
magic companies, and have become an identifiable
subculture known as "Yuppies," or "Young
Underground Professionals."
G.U.E. Tech's resident researchers have always been
on the cutting edge of magic technology. In 957 the
university's Spell Science Lab was heavily involved
in research with highly GNUSTO-receptive paper
which it hoped would be sensitive enough to allow
even the most ancient and mighty spell to be copied.
The results of this research were never revealed.
G.U.E. Tech is also well-known for its MDL degree
in Paper Shuffling, which is advertised as a program
that could lead its graduates to really big zorkmids.
In late spring, G.U.E. Tech holds its annual Spelling
Bee, which is free and open to the public.
Gumboz: A very obscure hermit enchanter who lived
in a small shack in Fublio Valley. Apparently he had
a very sick sense of humore, as he protected his
valuables with a spell that would cause anybody
incapable of halting the magic to starve to death.
Gurth City is the capital of Gurth Province. Nestled
in between mountains, a forest, and the Fields of
Frotzen, Gurth City is noted mainly for massive
markets, where one can find anything from spell
scrolls to fish cakes stuffed with morgia root.
Research has shown that the best lodging in Gurth
City is at the King Zilbo Hotel.
Gurth Province, which lies to the north of Miznia
and Mithicus, is chiefly woods and farmland. The
Fields of Frotzen, in central Gurth, are known as the
Breadbasket of Quendor. The capital of the province
26
is Gurth City, home of the King Zilbo Hotel, and a
local branch of Ye Olde Magick Shoppe. This magic
shop carried, at one time, one of the few remaining
relics from the city of Phee, the Hourglass of Phee,
which is known to give control over time itself by
manipulating it in the proper location in Phee. Gurth
is known for its fine artisans, and Gurth City is the
site of the Gurth City Crafts Fair, held every weekend
during the spring. Since the weather is absolutely
wonderful most of the year, Gurth is a popular
vacation spot, and in fact its nickname, along with
Mithicus, is the Vacation Province. Gurth and
Mithicus combined have a population of 2,883,190,
and together encompass 21,545 suare bloits. These
two provinces are governed by an informal board of
13,000 citizens that meets three times each day.
The forest to the north of Gurth city is a known
hideout of hellhounds and cruel puppets, but those
willing to brave those dangers may be able to answer
one riddle, and discover the Pool of Eternal Youth.
A Guttersnipe is a dangerous bird of prey seen only
in the marshes near Grubbo-by-the-Sea. This bird has
a needle-sharp beak that is up to a foot in length, that
it can use with deadly accuracy once it has found a
victim.
Gzornenplatz, a tall, gruff man, was a member of
the Guild of Huntsmen in 966. He gave a speech to
the Final Conclave of Enchanters detailing the failure
of the FRIPPLE spell. This spell protected towns and
villages from wild beasts, but when it failed, large
troops of rat-ants encroached upon human
settlements.
Hades, the Land of the Dead, is the central focus of
an ancient religion deep underground in the
Eastlands. The tenets of this religion state that
trespassers in the temple and breakers of the
commandments will be sent to the Land of the Dead.
Adventurers in the region have described Hades as a
desolation, with one corner filled with a pile of
mangled bodies, the last remains of less fortunate
adventurers. These lost souls cry with thousands of
voices lamenting a hideous fate. The gateway to
Hades, inscribed with the words "Abandon every
hope all ye who enter here!" was once guarded by
evil spirits and wraithes. However, the adventurer
who would become the Second Dungeon Master used
the power of the local religion to call upon an
unearthly force to exorcise the spirits, allowing
anyone free access to the Land of the Dead.
Helfax was a magician-philosopher, well-known for
his opinions on the Implementor legend. He
proclaimed that, "A creation of this kind is morally
and logically indefensible, and the [Implementor]
theory is colossal claptrap and kludgery."
Helistar is an old and powerful member of the Circle
of Enchanters. Although a skilled and experienced
magic user, she is humorless to the point of being
grim. Despite this personality flaw, Helistar was the
most likely candidate to become the next Guildmaster
of the Circle, until the Jeearr incident.
Hellhound: When you spot a hellhound, run in the
other direction as fast as you can! Hellhounds are
fast, fierce, and capable of devouring a human 12
times their size in 3.5 seconds. They normally inhabit
burnt-out or enchanted woods and rarely venture
beyond their turf, even in pursuit of prey. Hellhounds
are known to inhabit forests near Egreth and Gurth,
and they are kept by the Prevaricons and Veritassi,
who keep them fed with unwanted visitors. When
Festeron was transformed into Witchville by The Evil
One, a poodle named Alexis became a ravenous
hellhound.
Holnac the Cynic is the only person known to
despise Dimithio of Borphee.
Saint Honko, the patron saint of people who play
very odd musical instruments, has a holiday in his
honor on 31 Mage of each year.
Hoobly was a member of the Guild of Brewers in
966. He gave a speech to the Final Conclave of
Enchanters detailing the failure of the magic that
brews beer. One of the more volatile speakers at the
Conclave, his pronouncement that without magic
there could be no beer gave rise to a great concern.
Some present that day even went as far as to call
Enchanters "traitors."
Hungus: Part sheep, part hippopotamus, the hungus
builds its nest in jungle swamps such as the Miznia
Jungle and other hot, squishy places. Normally docile
and eager to avoid conflict or activity of any kind, the
hungus is fiercely clannish, and will instantly charge
at anything that dares to threaten its kin.
International Business Magic is trying to transfer
the "safety net" properties of GNUSTO to a new spell
that would work on magic potions.
27
The Implementors are the subject of much religious
and philosophical discussion. Ancient legends tell of
the creation of the world by these Implementors, who
directed the running of great engines which produced
this world and others strange and wondrous, as a test
or puzzle for others of their kind. These legends go
on to state that these beings stand ready to aid those
entrapped within their creation. It is known that the
Implementors are a race of minor deities who dwell
on the Ethereal Planes of Atrii. Implementors do not
discourage the legends that the world was created by
them as a plaything, but the idea has been hotly
criticized by the magician-philosopher Helfax, who
says "A creation of this kind is morally and logically
indefensible, and the theory is colossal claptrap and
kludgery."
Despite these remarks, worship of the Implementors
has become quite common. Four Implementors in
particular, Dave Lebling, Marc Blank, Brain
Moriarty, and Steve Meretzky, also known as The
Bearded Oracle of Yonkers, are all extremely well-
loved by the populous. In fact, another part of the
legend calls the four Implementors mysterious magi
who live in the lands beyond the borders of the
world. All that is specifically known about these
deities is that their ample free time is spent on costly
luncheons where gossip and sweet nectars flow
freely.
In 966 GUE it was discovered that the Implementors
were once in possession of the fabled Coconut of
Quendor, until it was stolen by an Ur-Grue. This fact
gives added credence to the Legend of Wishbringer,
that tells of a knight slain by the Implementors in
search of that Coconut.
Infocom is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls
and potions. One of their most popular products was
the Home Sorceror's How-To Library, Volume One
of which was the Build-Your-Own Medieval Village
set. This set has been advertised in the Popular
Enchanting magazine.
Infotaters, which popular legend says were invented
by Entharion the Wise, are the best way to store data
ever discovered. Borphee Infotaters, Inc. is a chief
producer of infotaters, including the "Field Guide to
the Creatures of Frobozz."
Inquisition: Please see the article on the Inquisition
in Appendix E on religions.
J.C. Zorkmids, a shopping mall, often has sales
associated with Dimwit Flathead's birthday.
Jeearr: The ancient and evil force called Jeearr once
spread pestilence and terror across many lands. Only
the combined magic of many kings and wizards
stopped him, even as he was preparing his final
assault. He was imprisoned in the void beyond our
world. His jailors warned future generations that his
exile might not be permanent; this warning was
proved to be accurate when Jeearr returned to the
Westlands in 957 GUE.
The first indications of Jeearr's return can be found in
the diary of the mage Belboz. He wrote in his
notebook that the demon Jeearr's power could
endanger the Circle and possibly the entire kingdom.
Without consulting any others, Belboz decided to
conduct some dangerous experiments, operating
alone to shield the Circle from the perils involved.
These experiments left Belboz open to the power of
Jeearr. This monstrous creature used Belboz's body
as a host, intertwining himself throughout Belboz's
mind. In visual terms Jeearr could be described as a
giant spider with millions of legs, feasting on the
body and spirit of Belboz. It was in this pathetic
condition that Belboz was forced by Jeearr to leave
the Council Hall in Accardi and travel to Egreth,
where he would become the physical embodiment of
the demon as he furthered his plans.
Fortunately for the world, the same Enchanter who
defeated Krill found Jeearr's lair and exorcised him
from the body of Belboz. At this point the demon
became a wispy translucent shape that warned the
Enchanter in a deep voice of the inevitability of his
epoch of evil, a reign of terror that would last a
thousand thousand years. Jeearr claimed that he had
stolen all of the knowledge and secrets of Belboz and
was ready to put them to use. His plan was foiled
when the VARDIK spell prevented him from
entering the body of the Enchanter. Without a host to
feed on, Jeearr could not survive. Thanks to the
cleverness of the Enchanter, Jeearr was left without
such a host, and is gone for all eternity.
Jesters employ physical, verbal, and magical tricker,
usually for the entertainment of king and court in the
days of the Empire. The last Royal Jester, the favorite
of Lord Wurb Flathead, Barbazzo Fernap is now
known to have been one of several identities assumed
by the mage Megaboz to ensure the success of his
Curse to overthrow the Empire.
28
Jewel of Jerrimore: The legend of the accursed
Jewel of Jerrimore can trace its origins to the third
century Before Entharion in the northlands of
Frobozz. This jewel, which in most versions of the
legend is a star sapphire, is said to have been cursed
by the Mage of Jerrimore as he lay upon his
deathbed. As he sickened, this powerful but twisted
wizard became convinced that his enemies had
poisoned him to gain possession of his greatest
treasure, the Jewel of Jerrimore. With his dying
breath, he loosed a great and evil curse upon the
Jewel and all who would possess it.
After the Mage's death, each of his heirs took
possesion of the jewel; each held it jealously,
mistrusting any who might look upon it; each became
obsessed with the greed and treachery they perceived
around them; and each came to early and horrible
deaths. Thus grew the legend of the cursed Jewel.
Although the legends vary, all versions say that the
Jewel travelled through many lands, always leaving a
wake of misery and death, and became lost for many
years in an iron mine near the Flathead Fjord. The
entrance to the iron mine is marked by a warning of
inevitable death to anyone who takes the Jewel.
In the year 883 a daring adventurer entered the iron
mine to take the sapphire, using it as part of a
complex plot that would eventually result in the fall
of the Great Underground Empire. The final fate of
the Jewel is not known.
Kaluzniacki, the inventor of the NONAV spell, was
responsible for the modernization of navigation via
magical aids.
Kobolds are very capable fighters. If attacked, they
will fight back; if not attacked, they will fight back
anyway. They look very similar to the less aggressive
paskalds, but can be easily identified because their
middle toe is slightly shorter than the toes that flank
it. Kobolds live in small tribes in caverns or in very
dark forests.
Korboz: A moderately famous hermit enchanter who
lived in a hovel in Fublio Valley. Apparently Korboz'
ego far excelled his reputation, as a sign outside his
tiny shack proclaimed: "Korboz the Magnificent."
The Kovalli Desert lies beyond the mountains that
formed the western boundary of ancient Quendor. It
is an uncrossable wasteland believed to stretch to the
edge of the world.
Krill was a powerful warlock who plotted to
overthrow the Circle of Enchanters and enslave the
kingdom. He almost achieved his goal, but was
banished to another plane of existence by a young
Enchanter in the 940s. Krill, a master magician,
always wore black. His yellow eyes were the only
visible part of his body. He launched his evil plan
from the castle Largoneth, where he and _ his
misshapen followers built a huge, primitive temple to
a demon. Krill would regularly engage in human
sacrifice to this demon, and it is possible that this
demon was the source of his immense powers.
Whatever the source of his magic, it now seems that
he was too powerful for his own good. The mage
Belboz knew that a powerful Enchanter would easily
be detected and destroyed by Krill, so the Guild of
Enchanters sent a novice to vanquish their foe. Krill,
in his arrogance, overlooked the source of his
eventual downfall.
Lake Flathead is a large and handsome lake that lies
underground, entirely within the caverns near the
former location of the royal castle at Flatheadia. To
the west of the lake lay the Royal Zoo; to the south
was the Great Underground Desert, to the north was
the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra Hall; and to the
east was the Great Underground Savannah. The lake
could be crossed via a magnificent royal vessel that
never left that lake.
Largoneth Castle was built by Entharion the Wise
back in the misty times at the dawn of the Kingdom
of Quendor. It served as the capital of the kingdom
for the duration of the Entharion Dynasty, up to 660
GUE. Located on the coast of Frobozz, at the western
shore of the Great Sea, Largoneth is near the Lonely
Mountain, a local village, and the Old Lingolf House.
As it was the seat of power in Quendor for almost
seven centuries, the Castle is full of items of
historical interest. It has a remarkable library and
portrait gallery, and it is magically connected to other
parts of the kingdom. The dungeon at Largoneth was
the holding place of the Unseen Terror for many
years.
After the capital was moved to Egreth by King
Duncanthrax in 660, Largoneth stood deserted for
many years, until the evil warlock Krill assumed
residence there. Krill and his minions planned to use
Largoneth as a base from which to assume world
control. During this period Krill made several
structural changes in the castle and used magic to
29
ruin its once-beautiful appearance. Krill's control
over Largoneth ended in the tenth century, when a
novice magician defeated at his stronghold in the
castle.
Lenko Cavern is located in North-South City,
somewhere in the Great Underground Empire.
The Lonely Mountain is a solitary peak to the west
of Largoneth Castle. It is quite tall, and its summit
often lies shrouded in low-hanging clouds. However,
in olden days, mariners had named it Signal
Mountain, for its odd glistening white peak reflected
the pale moonlight, providing an unmistakable
landmark on unclouded nights.
Longnir was once the Guildmaster of the Guild of
Cartographers.
Lucksuckers feed on good fortune. Part physical
entity, part mental phenomenon, the sucker's
appearance is based on the laws of probability, and
may change without warning. Good luck charms are
the only effective weapons known to work against
these creatures. Without several such charms, the best
strategy is to run!
Sergeant MacGuffin is the chief of the Festeron
Police. Festeron's finest is noted for his love of
chocolate and his tendency to fall asleep on duty.
When Festeron was transformed to Witchville by The
Evil One, MacGuffin became the head of the dreaded
Boot Patrol that arrested curfew violators.
Magicland is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls
and potions.
Marba is a port in Antharia. The 20-bloit conveyor
belt at Marba is a famous tourist attraction.
Mareilon was one of the ancient cities united by
Entharion the Wise to form the Kingdom of Quendor.
Mareilon was destroyed in 773 GUE when the so-
called Endless Fire was started. This fire burned
Mareilon for 4 weeks after a civil servant who
thought he was casting ZEMDOR ("turn original into
triplicate") instead cast ZIMBOR ("turn one really
big city into lots of tiny, little ashes"). The
destruction of Mareilon caused Lord Dimwit
Flathead (the Excessive) to issue a series of 5,521
edicts over the following few weeks, which had the
effect of severely limiting access to magic, and
incidentally, lawyers.
Megaboz was a mysterious, powerful wizard who
lived a hermit's life in Fublio Valley. His unassuming
shack was adorned with wall hangings and poems.
He was one of the few enchanters whose talent
measured up to his ego. According to one of his
tapestries, we should "Forget the rest; Megaboz is the
best." Megaboz and his ego wrote themselves into the
history books in 789 GUE when he appeared in the
midst of Lord Dimwit Flathead's banquet hall,
surrounded by a ball of smoke. Survivors of the
occasion remember the gaunt, bearded man fuming in
anger at "the statue [of Lord Dimwit] that now
darkens [his home of] Fublio.". Unaware or
unimpressed with Dimwit's importance, he
proclaimed that "No man, be he peasant or king,
crosses Megaboz the Magnificent," and proceeded to
curse Dimwit's life, his family, and his Empire.
Dimwit and his siblings all died instantaneously, but
the court magicians managed to postpone the rest of
the Curse for 94 years.
The story of Megaboz does not end here, however.
When he disappeared in a ball of fire, he was
assumed dead. It is now known that he took the guise
of a Royal Jester in the court of Wurb Flathead, 94
years later, and also magically assumed the identity
of the famous painter Frobesius Fublius. Oddly
enough, Megaboz, in the guise of the jester, chose to
assist one of the people who attempted to halt the
Curse in 883 GUE. This unnamed individual was the
descendant of a servant of Lord Dimwit who had
managed to come across a parchment that hinted at
how to stop the Curse. The servant of Wurb Flathead
used the parchment, now a family heirloom, to
attempt to halt the Curse. Megaboz, whose motives
are extremely unclear, provided assistance to this
servant, who successfully found the items necessary
to stop the Curse. However, Megaboz had the last
laugh.
His Curse was apparently much more complicated
than had been assumed; the Empire was destroyed
anyway, and Flatheadia along with it. However,
Megaboz awarded the unknown servant with half the
riches of the kingdom, and awesome magical powers.
This servant assumed control of the Great
Underground Empire, and became known as the
Dungeon Master. To this day it is not clear why
Megaboz chose to aid someone who was attempting
to halt his Curse, nor is it known why this individual
was rewarded by Megaboz for his actions. In any
case, Megaboz was responsible for the downfall of a
kingdom that had survived for over 800 years, since
the age of Entharion the Wise.
30
Wilbar Memboob co-authored The Granola Riots
with Gustar Woomax.
Mines of Mendon: Although the location of these
mines is a mystery, it is an Antharian legend that one
brave knight who sought the hand of Princess
Morning-Star entered the mines to slay a grue but,
lost without a lamp, the knight himself was soon
devoured.
Minx: Irresistably cuddle, the minx shares all the
most ingratiating characteristics of kittens, koala
bears, and piglets. Minxes are highly prized for their
ability to find and root out chocolate truffles from the
ground, and will eagerly devour them if given the
opportunity. It is well known that some peasant
hunters in the Thriff area keep minxes as pets,
although they do not always treat them as well as
they deserve.
Mirror Lake is a legendary spot in the Gray
Mountains that few have visited since the fall of the
Empire. While not all aspects of this frictionless
frozen "lake" are fully known, it is believed that the
lake has certain powers, not the least of which is its
ability to reveal the true magical nature of certain
objects. Frank Lloyd Flathead's chalet lies some-
where to the west.
Misty Island lies on a lake near the eastern coast of
Antharia, a brief trip from Festeron. Misty Island is
the site of the platypus kingdom of Anatinus, whose
castle lies nestled among the cliffs of that island.
A Mithican Chameleon's skin is said to be able to
imitate any color the eye can see... and more.
Mithicus is a _ small, mountainous province
sandwiched between Gurth and Miznia in the
Westlands. This province is well-known for its fine
artisans, and is a popular vacation spot. The Mithicus
Mountains separate Quendor from Kovalli, and are
home to a thriving settlement of platypi. The
provinces of Gurth and Mithicus are governed jointly
from Gurth City by an informal board of 13,000
citizens that meets three times each day to settle
disputes and ratify the provincial budget. Research
has shown that the best place for lodging in Mithicus
is the No-Frill Inn.
Mithicus Province University, Babe Flathead's alma
mater, is probably a Moss-League college, but is
better known for athletic prominence in the Quendor
Collegiate Athletic Association.
Miznia is a chiefly jungle province, located at the
southern fringe of the Westlands. The capital of this
province is Mizniaport. A noted tourist attraction in
Miznia is the Miznia Jungle Skyway. Built in 882,
this skyway flies over the Miznia Jungle. This jungle
is a dangerous breeding ground of hellhounds,
crocodiles, and hungi. The Miznia Jungle was for
many years the resting place of Y'Syska's Crocodile's
Tear.
Mizniaport is the capital of Miznia Province. Near
the Miznia Jungle and the Great Sea, Mizniaport is
noted for its fashion boutiques, a Skyway tourist
route, and former unicorn stables.
Monkey Grinder: Avoid this nightmare at any cost!
Spawn of a carnival necromancer, the monkey
grinder can blast minds to jelly with its powerful
Sense Organ. These creatures seem to have powerful
control over energy and space, allowing them to
come and go as they please. Extremely arrogant,
monkey grinders will not hesitate to destroy a lowly
peasant with the help of its Sense Organ and a magic
hurdy-gurdy. Deceptively eloquent in both manner
and speech, these loathsome creatures actually
possess little intelligence, and suffer an illiteracy rate
of 103%. This stupidity is, in fact, their Achilles’
Heel. By tricking the creature into thinking it is
receiving a gift, one could actually give it a one-way
portal to the Planes of TransInfinite Splendor,
banishing it forever.
Morgia Root: It is a rare enchanter who does not
carry morgia root to gnaw on during a long journey.
The mint-flavored juice improves stamina, slakes
thirst, and conceals bad breath. In domestic
applications, morgia root is often baked into pies, and
makes an excellent platypus stuffing. This root grows
only in the Westlands, and specifically in the
platypus kingdom of the Mithicus Mountains. The
morgia is the official flower of Gurth and Mithicus,
where a tavern in Grubbo-by-the-Sea serves exquisite
morgia root pie. An entry in an earlier edition of this
Encyclopedia describes morgia as a beautiful and
exotic plant that is well-known for its susceptibility
to magic spells.
Morning-Star, according to the legend of
Wishbringer, was a daughter of a peasant home on
Misty Island. Queen Alexis, jealous of Morning-
Star's beauty, caused her home to burn. Morning-
Star's parents were killed, and she was raised as
Alexis' daughter. As Morning-Star grew up, Queen
Alexis vowed in secret that none could have her
hand, and gave all of Morning-Star's suitors difficult
Love-Quests to fulfill. After the death of six suitors,
31
the Edict of Alexis decreed that Morning-Star must
die a virgin. The legend states that the heart of
Morning-Star hardened, turned to stone and became
the magic stone Wishbringer.
Moss League: The league of distinguished colleges
for Yuppies, or Young Underground Professionals.
Galepath University and GUE Tech are both Moss
League Schools.
Moss of Mareilon: First classified in 843 GUE by
Thwack of Mareilon, this soft, pale fungus thrives in
underground tunnels and public toilets. When
squeezed, the moss releases an invisible cloud of
spores which improve the dexterity of laboratory rats
and certain humans. Its effects on other species is
uncertain. Moss of Mareilon can be found in the
cellar of the Broken Lantern in Grubbo-by-the-Sea,
in the underground stomach of the Crocodile Idol,
and in caverns in the Mithicus Mountains, to name
only a few locations.
Mount Matter-Horn is described in the Legend of
Wishbringer as a mountain peak close to the spirits in
the sky. A knight, seeking the hand of Morning-Star,
attempted to climb the Mount to seek advice from the
Spirits, but instead fell to his death.
As the names of mountains are changed throughout
the ages, it is not now specifically known which peak
was formerly known as Matter-Horn, but in recent
years scientists have speculated that this peak, as
described in the Legend, would be as large as Mount
Foobia, and is very likely the place where the Great
Brogmoid standing on our world would place his
other foot.
Froboz Mumbar is the author of the well-known
book, The Great Underground Empire: A History,
published in 896 GUE. This book is the source of
many historical details quoted by this Encyclopedia.
Hirax Mumbleton, the Governor of Antharia, was
the third husband of Lucrezia Flathead. He died two
days after the wedding, smothered under a ton of raw
granola.
Mumbo I was the tenth king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 545 GUE, after
Thaddium Fzort, and was succeeded by Bozbo III in
569 GUE.
Mumbo II was the thirteenth king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 619 GUE, after
Bozbo IV, and was succeeded by Zilbo III in 628
GUE. Mumbo II's favorite pet was a turtle.
Mysterion the Brave was the second king of the
Entharion Dynasty. He came to the throne in 41
GUE, after the death of Entharion, and was
succeeded by Zylon the Aged in 55 GUE.
Nabiz are mostly mouth, which is mostly teeth. They
instinctively sense their enemy's weakest point when
attacking. Contrary to folklore, they cannot fly, but
they can leap tremendous distances. Nabiz are
repulsed by the color blue, which explains that color's
popularity in adventurers’ garb.
Nate was the owner of a discount scroll house
located at 308 Besnap Road, in Borphee. For what it's
worth, Nate's scroll house advertised in the well-
known magazine Popular Enchanting in the year 957.
Lord Nimbus is mentioned in the Legend of
Wishbringer as being an unsympathetic and violent
God of Rain who caused the death of one of the
suitors of Morning-Star.
North-South City is located underground near
Lenko Cavern somewhere in the Great Underground
Empire.
Nymphs are small, spritelike creatures that are
employed for all various sorts of labor throughout the
Great Underground Empire. Many different types of
nymphs exist: guard nymphs employed at
Bozbarland, warning nymphs employed by certain
Enchanters’ Guilds, serving nymphs, and even
dancing nymphs. Nymph labor is so valuable that
nymph referral services have been created to assist
short-handed employers.
An Ogre is a hideous giant that resides in dark caves
filled with fur. It is known that ogres reside in the
Flathead Mountains, and it is also known that some
ogres are acutely allergic to ragweed.
The Old Lingolf House is a monument near the
Lonely Mountain and Largoneth.
Orcs: Once a fearsome race of warriors, the Orcs
were civilized by their fondness for magically-
created computerized adventure games. Although a
small segment (the Hi-Res Orcs) enjoy graphic
32
adventures, the vast majority (the Orcs of Zork)
prefer interactive fiction.
Orkan of Thriff was a mage with a large bear-like
appearance. He was the Guildmaster of Thriff's
enchanters for several years in the tenth century
GUE, and he was responsible for the frequent moving
of the village of Thriff in order to find a more
benevolent climate for his terrible hayfever. He
accomplished this feat by gating Thriff to another
location via the Ethereal Plane of Atrii. This is only
one example of his pride in himself and his disdain
for the commoners.
Orkan kept a diary which tells of his departure for the
Final Conclave in Borphee. His diary records his
hope that Y'Gael was wrong in her belief that the Age
of Magic was ending. Eye-witnesses of the Conclave
report that Orkan was very skeptical of Y'Gael's plan
to store their knowledge in the Coconut of Quendor,
due to the difficulties involved in actually locating
the Coconut.
It is of slight interest to note that Orkan only used
spellbooks bound in Cheveaux Mithican leather.
Otto: Please see the entry under "Toads."
Ozmar was a renown historian who wrote a history
of magic in 821 GUE. Ozmar's words would be used
a century later, in 927 GUE, by Gustar Woomax, in
his "A Brief History of Magic." For more
information, please see Appendix D on magic.
A Palimpsest is a very powerful tool of magic. One
of the best known examples of a palimpsest, dealing
with transcendental physics, is a Scroll of Gating that
takes the caster to the Ethereal Plane of Atrii. This
palimpsest, although not as robust as a Dimension
Door, is one of the very few known ways to contact
the Implementors, and is extremely powerful indead.
Paskalds are similar to kobolds, except they are less
aggressive and their middle toe is of equal length to
the toes that flank it.
Peggleboz, a popular game of jumping pegs, is
named after its creator, Gustav Peggleboz (399 - 456
GUE).
Peltoid Valley is the site of huge marble mines in
Antharia.
A Phase Blade is a tool useful to those who travel in
the Ethereal Plane of Atrii. This blade can be used to
cut through particular routes of travel on that Plane,
but in this Plane of existence a phase blade is
virtually useless, and appears as nothing more than a
vague outline.
The Phee River joins with the Bor River to form the
Borphee River in the Westlands. At the confluence of
the Phee and the Bor lies the ruins of the ancient city-
state of Pheebor. The Phee River is spanned by one
of Zeno's magic bridges.
Pheebor: Ruins of this ancient city are still visible at
the confluence of the rivers Phee and Bor. Founded
well over a thousand years ago, this city started out
merely as a collection of huts in a forest clearing, and
gradually grew over the years until it was a
magnificent city with mighty aqueducts and beautiful
marble and stone spires. The beginning of the end for
this great city-state came when a controversy arose
between Pheebor and its sister city Borphee over the
naming of what is now called the Borphee River. The
population of Pheebor reasoned that they controlled
the source of the One River, so they deserved the
right to name it. Unsurprisingly, the citizens of
Borphee disagreed. About 400 years before the reign
of Entharion the conflict was resolved by a massive
battle between the forces of the two cities. Pheebor
was vanquished when a young knight from Borphee
beheaded Prince Foo, Pheebor's ruler. All that is left
now of the great city-state are ruins.
The Pheehelm once belonged to Prince Foo, ruler of
Pheebor circa 400 BE. This ancient relic was lost
when Prince Foo was killed, only to be recovered
over 1300 years later by a humble peasant. Those
who have seen the Helm report that it is a dazzling
treasure, so heavily crusted with jewels it is hard to
see the precious metals underneath. Wearers of the
Pheehelm are granted the wisdom of kings, and the
power to see the unseeable.
The Phee Hourglass is a relic of the ancient city-
state that it is named after. This beautiful miniature
hourglass, wrought of brass and crystal, and filled
with fine, white sand, has been sold for 1000
zorkmids, but its true value is incalculable. It was
once thought that the Hourglass would remain
forever a mystery, part of a greater, unknowable
Magick. However, in the year 966 GUE a humble
peasant-turned-adventurer discovered that with the
Hourglass you could travel in time, back to the days
of the founding of Pheebor, and forward to the Final
Conflagration.
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Phlog is an alcoholic beverage frequently indulged in
by enchanters in celebratory moods.
Zylo Pickthorn was an architect of the ninth century,
well-known for his underground condominium
complexes. Pickthorn is an avid enthusiast of
jousting, chess, and tiddlywinks, and has been known
to incorporate some or all of these themes into his
designs.
The Plane of TransInfinite Splendor is a magical
realm where unicorns enjoy a carefree existence free
from the cruelty of man. The following is a
completely trivial fact related to the Planes of
Splendor: In 966 a humble peasant became the first
person in recorded history to defeat a monkey
grinder. He did so by magically banishing the grinder
to the Planes of Splendor, where the unicorns
presumably kept him in captivity for all eternity.
The Platypus is a small, aquatic, intelligent, egg-
laying mammal with webbed feet and a bill like a
duck's. It is a well-kept secret that in two separate
locations, groups of platypi have clustered together
into kingdoms governed from magnificent castles.
These two platypi kingdoms can be found in the
Mithicus Mountains, and on Misty Island in Antharia.
Historical trivia tells us that these platypi played an
indirect role in the respective defeats of The Evil
One, and a monstrous Ur-Grue. Generally the platypi
remain separate from mankind, but occasionally a
platypus tale enters the lore of man. To this day it is
not known if the Legend of Wishbringer concerns
humans or platypi.
Plumbat is the site of enormous granola smelters in
Antharia near the granola mines of that island.
The Polar Gumffbeast is a creature, possibly
mythical, said to live in the extreme northlands of
Quendor.
Pollibar is the prized pet parrot of Belboz, the great
mage. The parrot is a native of the jungles of Miznia,
but was brought to live with Belboz in Accardi.
Popular Enchanting was the most widely circulated
magazine among enchanters, featuring editorials,
interviews, book reviews and advertisements. The
magazine's standard cost was 3 Zm, but was priced at
5 Zm for sale outside of Frobozz.
Port Foozle, which lies nine bloits west of
Flatheadia, is the primary seaport of the Frigid River
Valley, and is a common departure point for ships to
Antharia. Hard times hit Port Foozle in 883 GUE
when the panic concerning Curse Day grew. The
wharfs and the world-famous Port Foozle Casino
were deserted. Foozle became the center of a lunatic
religious fringe called the Inquisition (See Appendix
E), which understandably led to Port Foozle's decline
in popularity. Incidentally, chroniclers of magic
remember Foozle as the home of the Fisha wand
company.
Potions are the most accessible form of magic for the
masses, since they are simply drunk like water. No
lessons in complicated spellcasting are required.
These liquids and powders are of great interest,
although their limitations (you can only use them
once) have prevented them from supplanting scrolls
as the primary method of magical Incantation.
Discovered several years after Berzio created the
GNUSTO spell, the first of these potions, which
obviates the need for food and drink, was named after
Berzio himself. A partial list of potions can be found
in Appendix D.
The Prevaricons, who dwell underground near Port
Foozle, have two interesting quirks: They always lie,
and they feed unwelcome visitors to ravenous
hellhounds.
Priggin: A Master Bookbinder and authorized dealer
of CHEVEAUX leather binding. Priggin's dealership
was based in Miznia, and advertised in the well-
known magazine Popular Enchanting, in the year
957.
Psychic Storms of Gomar: The Frobozz Magic
Magic Equipment Catalog refers to this unknown
place in a vague manner. The Catalog states that not
even the Psychic Storms of Gomar can deflect a
FrobozzCo flying carpet from its course.
A Pterodactyl is a flying reptile having wings of skin
with a span of up to 20 feet. Sometimes these beasts
are targets for archers, which is unfortunate because,
as seen in 966 GUE, they can be beneficial to
humans. In that year a humble peasant found a
pterodactyl that could be summoned by a whistle, and
would agree to fly the peasant anywhere on three, but
only three occasions. This beast, along with
presumably its entire race, was intelligent and could
communicate telepathically. However, it was
incredibly afraid of wild monsters. Pterodactyl are,
on the whole, rather rare. The only other known
sighting was in 883 GUE, when a pack of the beasts
were seen taking nest on the top of the statue of
Dimwit Flathead in Fublio Valley.
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Q: Temperature in the Great Underground Empire is
measured in degrees Q. It is believed that the
temperature at which water freezes is 57 degrees Q.
Saint Quakko, the patron saint of people who aren't
sure of things, may or may not have a holiday in his
honor on 25 Jelly of each year.
Quendor: Please see the entry on the Great
Underground Empire.
Quilbozza Beach, just south of Port Foozle, is
considered the nicest beachfront in the Eastlands, if
not all of Quendor.
Quizbo was a construction worker for the Rockville
Estates.
Ragweed is a variety of weed known to produce
violent allergic reactions in some ogres. The only
ragweed plants reported have been in the Eastlands,
specifically found in Ragweed Gulch.
The Ragweed Gulch was the site of a famous battle
in 789 GUE, notable for the death of T.J. "Stonewall"
Flathead, when he was accidentally shot by one of his
own men on 14 Mumberbur.
Rat-ants are vicious, fierce creatures that, oddly
enough, have the characteristics of both a rat and an
ant. When magic began to fail in 966 packs of these
creatures headed into human towns and villages,
most notably Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
Razor Gorge is a famous chasm, spanned by a
remarkable bridge, between Accardi and the local
Enchanters' Guild Hall.
A Rebus is an illustration whose component pictures
spell out a word or words, usually through the
addition and subtraction of sounds or letters. The
most famous creator of rebi was Frobesius Fublius,
whose works were on display in Flatheadia Castle.
Red Herring: These common fish patrol the dark
recesses of freshwater pools and streams, but a
handful of granola brings them racing to the surface,
a fact known by every rural schoolboy. The old adage
about red herrings being "good brain food" has no
scientific basis.
A Roc is a legendary bird of prey of tremendous size
and strength. Rocs are known to live in the Eastlands,
both underground and high in the Flathead
Mountains. They are fiercely protective of their
young. A word to the wise: if you are captured by a
roc and brought to its nest, do not threaten its egg!
Rockville Estates was an upscale housing complex
planned by the Frobozz Magic Construction
Company for a piece of prime cavern space on the
Great Underground Highway near Flatheadia. It was
advertised as "The new, prestigious address for the
discriminating Young Underground Professional."
Occupancy of its 64 units began in spring 881 GUE.
The Rockville Estates was designed by the renowned
architect, Zylo Pickthorn, and the Managing Foreman
for the project was Quizbo Frotzwit.
A Rooster is a common barnyard animal.
The Rose Riots of 811 GUE were the result of
rumors that the compass rose can actually control the
wind. These rumors were hotly denied by the Guild
of Meteorologists, who harvested the species to the
brink of extinction during these Rose Riots.
Rotgrub: Less than an inch long, the rotgrub lies
waiting in food. Once ingested, the rotgrub heads
straight for its victim's brain and begins feeding.
Rotgrub death is excruciatingly painful and lasts
years before a welcome demise. They are totally
impervious to all forms of magic, and, even worse,
smell like very old cheese.
1.Q. Roundhead wrote ten volumes discussing the
engravings in the caves of the Great Underground
Empire, and concluded only that the ancient
inhabitants of those caverns were very strange
people.
The Royal Museum, built by Lord Dimwit Flathead
in 776 GUE, and dedicated by him the following
year, houses the crown jewels, a technology display,
and a famous royal puzzle in the form of a sandstone
and marble maze. The technology display contains
items generously provided by FrobozzCo_Inter-
national, such as a Temporizer, Pressurizer, and
Room-Spinner. It is of slight historical interest that
the adventurer who would eventually become the
second Dungeon Master used the Royal Museum's
Temporizer to travel back in time to 776 GUE to
steal one of the crown jewels. This resulted in a
dramatic increase in security measures by Dimwit
Flathead. He had originally intended that the museum
be built under 2 miles of mountain and surrounded by
35
500 feet of steel, but had to settle for a less excessive
construction plan. The theft of his royal ring no doubt
led to a greater eccentric excessiveness on his part.
Scrystone: A magical grey orb fashioned out of
black and white hemispheres. This sphere grants
visions of things yet to be to those who are gifted
enough to understand them.
The Sea Lion is a deadly creature known to inhabit
the Sea of Mithicus.
Sea of Mithicus: This sea is known to be a great
place to scuba dive, but at your own risk. The sea
lions in the area can be quite dangerous.
Sea Serpents are a rare breed of dangerous aquatic
predators. It is known that the Wizard of Frobozz
actually kept a baby sea serpent as a pet.
The Shadowland, also known as the Land of
Shadows, is a barren area of rolling hills, south of
Flatheadia and deep underground. It lies near the
point where the Great Sea's eastern shore dips
underground, and has frequent patches of quicksand
as a result.
Giant Slugs are essentially immense versions of the
tiny garden slugs we all know and love. One giant
slug encountered in the ruins of a lighthouse near
Grubbo-by-the-Sea was as long as a human is tall.
These slugs defend themselves by spraying their
attacker with vile ichors.
Snarfem, a two-player game of removing pebbles,
originated in Mithicus and comes from an ancient
Mithican word meaning "to collect pebbles or small
stones." The purpose of snarfem is to remove the
correct amount of pebbles during each turn that will
force the opponent to take the last pebble.
Sneffle was a member of the Guild of Bakers in 966.
He gave a speech to the Final Conclave of enchanters
detailing the failure of the GLOTH spell. Sneffle,
dependent on magic, was overwhelmed by the
prospect of a world where the pastries have to be
handmade.
A Snow Wight is a vicious monster that hides in
snowdrifts waiting for a victim. Armed with long,
sharp teeth and claws, a wight is quite a menace, and
any poorly-equipped adventurer is advised to stay
away from one. The only recent snow wight sightings
have been in the southern mountains near Thriff.
Spenseweed: There has been much controversy
about the true nature of this plant. "The Lore and
Legends of Quendor" has this to say: "The healing
virtues of this common roadside plant are well
documented. Although it is safe to eat, spenseweed is
most effective when applied directly to wounds as a
salve." This publication also advises us to "avoid the
cheap commercial preparations, which may contain
artificial coloring and_ preservatives." A_ plant
matching this description has been found in the
Westlands, growing among the ruins of Pheebor, and
near the village of Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
However, early editions of the Encyclopedia
Frobozzica call spenseweed "a deep-rooting under-
water plant." Once established, it can usually only be
removed by using certain spells of wilting. The 883
GUE edition of this publication stated that the
misconception of spenseweed as a roadside weed is
grossly inaccurate. Spenseweed of the underwater
variety has been seen flourishing in the western edge
of the Great Sea, and in a fish tank in Flatheadia. The
truth about spenseweed is not yet known, although it
is suspected that the underwater spenseweed might
simply be another name for the morgia plant.
Giant Spiders are dangerous creatures sometimes
found in abandoned buildings. They are identical to
their smaller cousins in every respect except for their
tendency to feed on careless peasants.
Squids are bottom-dwelling aquatic creatures.
The Stonewall was the sight of the Battle of The
Stonewall in 747 GUE. According to military
historians, The Stonewall was a strategically vital
locale, commanding the two most important caverns
of the Eastlands. T.J. "Stonewall" Flathead earned his
nickname and his reputation at the Battle of The
Stonewall. When reports arrived that rebellious
natives had captured The Stonewall, T.J. and his
garrison were assigned the mission of retaking it.
After a battle lasting seven weeks, during which T-J.'s
men suffered a casualty rate of nearly 75%, the
garrison stormed The Stonewall.
Once in command of it, they discovered that the
reports had been erroneous: The Stonewall was
completely undefended, and the supposedly
rebellious natives were actually all vacationing in the
Gray Mountains. Nevertheless, T.J. Flathead's tactics
and strategies during the "battle" were considered
36
brilliant, and he would henceforth be known as
Stonewall Flathead.
Surmin: From their malodorous breath to their lice-
ridden fur, surmins are utterly repulsive creatures. If
they get close enough, they can bore their victims to
death by reciting Greater Borphee County Penal
Codes.
Princess Tasmania is the daughter of the platypus
King Anatinus of Misty Island. Tasmania, much
beloved by her people, was twice rescued by a heroic
employee of the Festeron Postal Service. This hero,
also responsible for the defeat of The Evil Ove, saved
Tasmania after she had both fallen in a pit and been
captured by "Corky" Crisp, a henchman of The Evil
One. The story of the rescue of Tasmania will live in
platypus legend forever.
Temporal Travel Technology, though in existence
for many centuries, is still considered to be
experimental by the magic industry. Several govern-
ment agencies are currently looking into its potential
long-term effects.
As this is written, magic companies are using
temporal travel to deliver products before they are
ordered, and there is also a time travel spell called
GOLMAC. Also, the ancient Hourglass of Phee
allows travel backwards and forwards in time,
although only in Phee itself. It is also known that
another hourglass of time travel is mystically
connected to one of the Cubes of Foundation. This
hourglass allows travel to the early days of an age-old
castle in the Eastlands. Another time travel spell is
GIRGOL, which stops time but allows the caster to
move about as normal for a brief amount of "time."
The Thaumaturgical Institute produced the first
reliable Hyperbolic Incantation Concentrator (magic
wand) in 723 GUE.
Thriff: The strange wandering village of Thriff has,
at one time or another, been located in most of the
provinces of the Westlands. Rumor has it that Orkan,
Guildmaster of Thriff's enchanters, constantly moves
the town in an attempt to find a more benevolent
climate for his terrible hayfever. In 966 Thriff was
located just south of the Miznia jungle, and Orkan
had recorded in his diary that he moved the village on
July 26 by gating it through the Ethereal Plane of
Atrii, because he hated the northern climes they were
in previously. Here the village probably remained
forever, because eighteen days later the Final
Conclave of enchanters, of which Orkan was one,
helped to bring the Age of Magic to a close, thus
putting an end to Thriff's wanderings.
Thwack of Mareilon classified the Moss of
Mareilon in 843 GUE.
Toads: A race of these creatures live somewhere
beyond the oceans of the world. Seafarers report that
these toads are ugly, cantankerous, and eternally
hungry. The only specimen of these of these toads
ever brought back to civilization was a pet of John
Paul Flathead. This toad, named Otto, was not only
ugly, but bright blue and as large as a small shack. In
883 Otto had the good fortune to eat the Four
Fantastic Flies of Famathria, the objects of utmost
culinary lust among his species.
Cardinal Toolbox was the spiritual guide of the
Thriff religious community in the year 966 GUE. The
most important event during his time as Cardinal was
the invasion of the Christmas tree monsters. Toolbox
went for days during this dangerous time without any
sleep, leading a silent prayer vigil in hopes that the
monsters would be destroyed by mightier powers.
The Tower of Bozbar, an ancient game of unknown
origin, consists of three pegs and a pile of weights.
The goal is to move the pile from one peg to another,
moving one weight at a time, with the constraint that
no weight can ever be placed atop a smaller weight.
Many people say that the Tower of Bozbar is a
superb method of mental relaxation.
The Treaty of Znurg, signed on 5 Jam 474 GUE,
ended the Zucchini Wars.
A Troll is a large, stupid monster that lives under-
ground, in caves, or under bridges. One of the few
specimens of a troll found in the wild was one that
had taken residence in the Great Underground
Empire in the Eastlands after the fall of the Empire.
The Evil One also used a troll to guard the entrance
to Witchville. Readers acquainted with the writings
of Leonardo Flathead will undoubtedly be aware of
his major treatise proving that the world actually rests
on the head of an enormous troll, rather than the back
of a giant turtle.
The Tunnels of Love are a favorite among the
Kingdom's honeymooners, located a stone's throw
from Aragain Falls. The Tunnels are well-known for
their vast honeycomb of passageways, and couples
have been known to raise entire families just trying to
find their rooms. In 873, the only year on record,
37
rates ranged from Zm 2 for a room to Zm 10 for a
Honeymoon Suite.
Turtles: In the Great Underground Empire turtles
can grow to enormous size and have incredible
longevity. One such turtle, residing on the beach near
Largoneth, was once the favored pet of King Mumbo
II. This turtle helped an enchanter defeat the Warlock
Krill in the 940s, and was particularly proud of his
rainbowcolored shell, an enchantment cast on him in
the 860s.
The Twenty Treasures of Zork are a well-known
part of the story of Zork. In 948 GUE a brave
adventurer traveled through the tunnels of the
Eastland Underground, and on his way to becoming
the second Dungeon Master, one of his tasks to prove
his worth was to acquire the Twenty Treasures. These
treasures were a jewel-encrusted egg, a clockwork
canary, a beautiful painting that was probably one of
the lost works of Leonardo Flathead, a brass bauble, a
pot of gold, a platinum bar, an ivory torch, a gold
coffin, an Egyptian sceptre, a trunk of jewels, a
crystal trident, a jade figurine, a sapphire bracelet, a
huge diamond, a bag of coins that were probably
zorkmids, a crystal skull, a jeweled scarab, a large
emerald, a silver chalice, and an ancient map. It is not
quite clear whether the treasures were created by the
first Dungeon Master, or were all relics of the Great
Underground Empire.
Ugh: The unit of weight in the Great Underground
Empire. A 100-ugh weight is, for the normal person,
quite heavy, and it is necessary to drop everything to
carry it.
U-Mart, a shopping mall, often has sales associated
with Dimwit Flathead's birthday.
A Unicorn is a magical horselike animal with a
single horn in its forehead. Most unicorns have fled
to the Plane of TransInfinite Splendor, where they
enjoy a carefree existence free from the cruelty of
man. The unhappy few left behind are eagerly sought
by zoos and private collectors. One such private
collector in Mizniaport actually had his last unicorn
freed by a peasant who was on a quest to recover the
Coconut of Quendor.
Unicorns are sometimes used as combat mounts
against their wills. It is also known that a royal
princess in the Eastlands of the Great Underground
Empire was able to charm a unicorn so that she was
the only one who could approach and ride it.
It is good luck to kiss a unicorn's horn, but woe to
any fool who harms one.
The Unnatural Acts were written by King Duncan-
thrax on 9 Dismembur 672 GUE. These acts provided
stiff penalties for those convicted of selling
"Unnatural or Supernatural substances." The moti-
vation for this legislation lay in charlatans who
regularly fooled the gullible population into buying
potions which claimed to do such things as "reverse
hair loss" and "draw Trebled Fromps in Double
Fanucci." The restrictions of the Unnatural Acts were
eventually loosened, allowing the foundation of the
first chapter of the Guild of Enchanters by the great
thaumaturge Vilboz.
The Unseen Terror is a shapeless and formless
manifestation of evil. Many centuries ago, this Terror
was disturbed from millenia of sleep. It was so
powerful that it required the combined wisdom of all
the leading enchanters of that age to conquer it. A
book of legends found in the Largoneth Library tells
how these enchanters lured the Terror "to a recess
deep within the earth" by placing there a powerful
spell scroll. When it had reached the scroll, the
enchanters trapped it there with a spell that encased it
in the living rock. The Terror was so horrible that
none would dare speak of it, and because of this,
many years later this tale was considered to be quite
fanciful. No other chroniclers of the age mention the
Terror in any form.
However, in the 940s GUE, a novice enchanter
exploring Largoneth with the intention of defeating
Krill found the location of the Terror's prison
underneath the Largoneth dungeon. This enchanter
managed to retrieve the GUNCHO spell that had
lured the Terror underground, while still keeping the
Terror entrapped. It is known that during the final
hours of the confrontation, Krill pondered the idea of
using the Terror for his own purposes, but the plan
came to naught.
Ur-Grue: Ur-grues are thought to be the shades of
fallen Implementors. Skilled in black sorcerory, the
ur-grue can envelop itself in a personal zone of
darkness which neither lamp nor flame can penetrate.
Sunlight is the only thing it fears. It is unwise even to
speak of this utterly evil entity.
What little we know about ur-grues is based on a
random encounter in the year 966. A humble peasant
stumbled into the lair of this creature deep under the
38
Mithicus Mountains, and was able to discover that an
ur-grue is actually an Implementor (resembling
nothing more than an old man) who had assumed
control of the body of a grue, and was using it as his
guise. This particular ur-grue was noteworthy for his
theft of the Coconut of Quendor from his former
companions, the Implementors. Although his motives
are unclear, it is possible that this ur-grue hoped to
seize control of the entire world.
The Veritassi, who dwell underground near Port
Foozle, have two interesting quirks: They never lie,
and they feed unwelcome visitors to ravenous
hellhounds.
Vilboz a great thaumaturge, was the founder of the
first and most famous of all Enchanters' Guilds, in the
tiny hamlet of Accardi-by-the-Sea.
Violet Voss was the Curator of the Festeron Free
Public Library for several years in the tenth century
GUE. Violet lived to see the transformation of
Festeron into Witchville by The Evil One. In fact,
Violet was romantically involved with "Corky"
Crisp, a servant of The Evil One.
The Westlands comprise those provinces which lie
on the western shore of the Great Sea, such as
Borphee, Gurth, Frobozz, etcetera.
The White Cliffs are remarkable underground cliffs
near the origin of the Frigid River at the Flood
Control Dam #3. Next to the Cliffs is the scenic
White Cliffs Beach. In the days of the Great
Underground Empire, this area was home to a tourist
motel called the Cliff House.
The Windcat is the fleetest land animal, and was the
favorite pet of Bozbo IV.
Wings of Icarus: The Legend of Wishbringer tells of
these fabled wings that give the ability of flight to
their owner. The last person to fly with the Wings
was devoured by Thermofax, a dragon, and the
Wings have vanished.
Wishbringer: It should be made clear at the outset
that it is not known whether the Legend of
Wishbringer is a tale about humans or platypi.
Ancient texts depict human figures, and yet the tale
supposedly takes place in the Kingdom of Misty
Island, a known platypi home.
In the reign of King Anatinus of Misty Island, a
beautiful peasant girl named Morning-Star was born.
The legend of her beauty spread all throughout the
kingdom, and Queen Alexis grew jealous. Alexis
caused the kidnapping of the beautiful child, who was
then raised as the Princess of Misty Island. Morning-
Star grew, and her beauty blossomed. At the arrival
of her seventeenth birthday, Anatinus decreed that
anyone desiring of her hand in marriage must fulfill a
Love-Quest of the Queen's choosing, according to the
custom of the kingdom. Alexis, envious of the horde
of knights who descended on Morning-Star, devised
horribly difficult quests that resulted in the death of
six young suitors.
Alexis concluded that no one was fit to wed her
daughter, and declared, in the Edict of Alexis, that
Morning-Star must remain unmarried and virgin her
entire life. The princess suffered through life as her
beauty faded away. Many kingdoms after, when the
whole incident had faded into legend, a scholar
exploring Misty Island came across the tomb of the
princess. All that was left of her mortal remains was
her heart, which, hard and shrunken in the grave, was
shining brightly with the stifled wishes of her
lifetime.
This magic stone, said to grant seven wishes to its
bearer, passed through many hands, and eventually
came into the possession of the proprietor of
Festeron's magic shop in the tenth century GUE. The
Evil One, desiring power over Wishbringer,
magically turned the village of Festeron into
Witchville in order to capture the stone. The Festeron
postal employee who succeeded in defeating The Evil
One magically altered Wishbringer by transforming it
into one facet of a mysterious cat known as Chaos.
Thus the stone Wishbringer, and all memory of
Morning-Star, passes into history.
The Wishyfoo, who live underground in the vicinity
of Port Foozle, alternately tell the truth and tell a lie
with every successive statement they make.
Sometimes they start with a lie, sometimes with a
truth, but they always alternate thereafter.
Saint Wiskus, the patron saint of all those who raise
meat animals, has a holiday in his honor on 6 Ottobur
of each year. Due to a slight etymological
misunderstanding, the 883 edition of the Flathead
Calendar made a typographical error that is
39
responsible for a certain amount of popular confusion
between Saint Wiskus and Saint Bovus.
Witchville: Please see the entry on Festeron.
The Wizard of Frobozz was once a member of the
influential Accardi chapter of the Enchanters' Guild.
This Wizard was a strange little man, usually wearing
a long cloak, a high pointed hat with astrological
signs, and a long stringy beard. Once a court wizard,
he was exiled by Dimwit Flathead after accidentally
turning Flathead's castle into a mountain of fudge.
This blunder on the part of the Wizard was probably
caused by his senility and his inability to utter a spell
that did not start with the letter F ("Fudge"). Almost
two centuries after this incident, in the year 948, the
adventurer who would eventually become the second
Dungeon Master ordered a demon to kill the Wizard,
thus bringing to a close the life of a confused and
befuddled soul who had_ confounded other
adventurers for years.
Gustar Woomax, known as the Chronicler of Magic,
was the author of a great number of books in the
ninth and tenth centuries GUE. The fact that his
favorite author was Bizboz probably inspired his
writing on magic and history, which include A Brief
History of Magic, Bizboz at Galepath, Mage versus
Archmage, Revenge of the Dornbeasts, The Granola
Riots (co-authored by Wilbar Memboob), and The
Coconut of Quendor: Reality or Illusion? At least one
of these works, A Brief History of Magic, was
published by Popular Enchanting, in the year 927
GUE. (For a reprinting of this work, please see
Appendix D on magic.)
Born in Greater Borphee in 880 GUE, Gustar
Woomax attended G.U.E. Tech from 907 to 911
GUE. His Double Fanucci handicap is 620, and his
favorite saying is: "If history can teach us the
difference between good and bad magic, it can teach
us anything."
Woomax was present at the Great Conclave of
Guildmasters in 966 GUE, when it was decided to
preserve the knowledge of Magick in the Coconut of
Quendor. Despite his familiarity with Coconut lore,
Woomax was skeptical of Y'Gael's plan involving the
Coconut, due to the sheer improbability of the plan's
success.
A Worm is a low form of ground-dwelling animal
life.
Yellow grotch: These small creatures who prefer to
live in hayfields are one of the favorite prey of Giant
Corbies.
Y'Gael was an Enchantress present at the final
Conclave of Enchanters in Borphee in 966. When the
Guildmaster departed on his quest, Y'Gael realized
that the Age of Magic was coming to a close. She
proposed storing all of the knowledge and heritage of
the Age of Magic in the Coconut of Quendor. When
an obscure peasant was sent to recover the Coconut,
Y'Gael was able to assist the peasant in his quest by
following him via the Ethereal Planes of Atrii. She
assumed the role of a shopkeeper in several cities in
order to keep track of his progress. It is now
speculated that she might have assumed the role of
shopkeeper once before, in Festeron, Antharia, to
combat The Evil One, who might have been her
sister. Once the anonymous peasant found the
Coconut of Quendor, Y'Gael used her abilities to
ensure that, with the help of the Coconut, the Age of
Magic would never be forgotten.
Yiggam: The glassmaster of the Antharia Guild in
the year 966. A resident of the Peltoid Valley,
Yiggam was commissioned by the Frobozz Magic
Equipment Company to handblow beakers, tubes,
and swizzle sticks.
The Yipple is a master of disguise, able to alter form
to match its surroundings. If disturbed in the wild,
some yipples may bite. They make wonderful pets,
but should never be allowed to rest in the cookie jar if
guests are expected. Yipples are violently allergic to
many kinds of animal wastes.
Yooman, the Musician Mage, was the teacher of
Dimithio of Borphee.
Y'Syska: An evil sorceress whose collection of gems
and minerals was without compare. At one time she
owned the Crocodile's Tear, which she protected by
hiding it in the Miznia jungle. Survivors of the jungle
came back to report that the Crocodile's Tear rested
on a large idol. This idol, possibly a construction of
Y'Syska, but more likely a remnant of a forgotten
religion, was in the shape of a Crocodile the size of a
subway train. Anyone wishing to steal Y'Syska's
jewel would have to climb the idol without sliding
40
into its mouth, and becoming trapped. It is rumored
that the same peasant who recovered the Coconut of
Quendor also successfully stole the Crocodile's Tear,
but this is not a confirmed report. Y'Syska's final fate
in unknown.
Sybar Zeebin is the author of a history of the fall of
the Great Underground Empire called The Dark Age
of Frobozz.
Zeke ran an underground appliance store that was an
official outlet for all Frobozz Magic Appliances.
Zeke's store was located just off Great Underground
Highway # 2, near Egreth.
Zeno was a builder of magic bridges, who lived
during an unknown period. A moderately well-known
bridge built by Zeno is one that crosses the Phee
River. This bridge confounds many travelers with the
odd fact that when you attempt to cross it, you only
travel half the distance you want to go, and hence you
never get where you are going.
Zilbeetha: This is one of the oldest and dearest
legends in the annals of Quendor. Zilbeetha, a
beautiful maiden, somehow angered an evil mage,
and was placed under enchantment and turned into a
crystal orb on the very day that she was to be wed.
The heartbroken groom, who is always depicted
holding a fragile bloom, sought help from the
wizard's goodly twin. The good wizard turned the
groom to stone, that he might stay young until the
day Zilbeetha was returned to him. The legend also
has an ominous note; returning a false orb would
result in death.
In the year 883 this legend was revealed to be true
fact, and was concluded on a happy note. The
adventurer who would eventually become the first
Dungeon Master was able to find the orb of Zilbeetha
deep underground in the Eastlands, and return it to
the groom's statue, near the Flathead Fjord. The
loving couple was finally reunited, and lived happily
ever after.
Zilbo I was the fourth king of the Entharion Dynasty.
He came to the throne in 398 GUE, after Zylon the
Aged, and was succeeded by Bozbo I in 423 GUE.
Zilbo II was the sixth king of the Entharion Dynasty.
He came to the throne in 429 GUE, after Bozbo I,
and was succeeded by Harmonious Fzort.
Zilbo II was the fourteenth and final king of the
Entharion Dynasty. He came to the throne in 628
GUE, after Mumbo II, and was succeeded by
Duncanthrax the Bellicose, the first king of the
Flathead Dynasty, on the last day of 659 GUE. Little
is known about what became of Zilbo after 659.
Some say he was killed during the palace revolt, or
simply died from too much reveling while celebrating
the upcoming New Year. There is evidence that he
was exiled to a Mithican villa, where he invented the
card game Double Fanucci.
Zorbel Pass: This wide pass through the Flathead
Mountains, at the southern end of the range, connects
the Fublio and Frigid River Valleys. The Zorbel Pass
was the site of the Diablo Massacre in 666 GUE.
Zork is a classic folk myth about a treasure-hunting
adventurer who became a master of magic. It has
been translated into novels, theatricals, giant wall
murals... almost every imaginable medium. Like
most myths, Zork has its basis in reality. In 948 an
unknown adventurer near the former sight of
Flatheadia ventured underground, claimed the
Twenty Treasures of Zork, defeated the Wizard of
Frobozz, and became the second Dungeon Master.
The Zorkmid was the unit of currency of the Great
Underground Empire, and is still used in most parts
of the kingdom today. The first zorkmid was minted
on Augur 16, 699 GUE, during the reign of Belwit
the Flat. This coin bore the likeness of Belwit, the
year, and the coin's value on the front, while on the
back it had a picture of Egreth Castle, with the motto
"In Frobs We Trust" stamped in two different
languages. Zorkmids of different denominations were
issued, including the 500 and 10,000 zm coins, and
the 100 zm bill. The largest issue was a 100,000 zm
bill. Only one of these was ever printed, at the
request of J. Pierpont Flathead.
The Zucchini Wars, which devastated seven pro-
vinces during the fifth century, were finally ended by
the Treaty of Znurg in 474 GUE.
Zurfs are a suit of cards in the game of Double
Fanucci.
Zylon the Aged was the third king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He ruled Quendor for the remarkably long
period from 55 to 389 GUE.
4l
Appendix A - Numbering System
Today's system of numbering years started with the
first year of Entharion's reign as king of Quendor,
which marked the start of recorded history. However,
legends and ancient tales lead historians to believe
that highly advanced settlements existed on both
sides of the Great Sea around the fifth or sixth
century Before Entharion, and that humanity began to
make its mark on the land as long as two millennia
ago.
A ppendix B - Music
Classical Music
In 732 GUE the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra
was formed. Because of the woeful lack of orchestral
music in existence, the FPO usually settled for
playing baroque versions of old folk tunes and
popular dance numbers. Seven years later, the FPO
performed their first symphony. The piece was
notable because of the age of its author, a precocious
eleven-year-old named Johann Sebastian Flathead.
As the years went by, the history of the FPO, and of
classical music itself, became more and more
entwined with the life of Johann himself. The public
attendance of the FPO mysteriously declined as
Johann's symphonies increased in length. Now
considered to be the definitive piece in classical
music, his Symphony #981, the so-called Infinite
Symphony, contained over 60,000 movements; over
the course of its only performance, several members
of the orchestra retired and were replaced by their
children or grandchildren.
Eventually, classical music moved out of the concert
hall and into nature. Johann spent his later years
composing music for ever more _ grandiose
instruments, such as his Concerto for Woodwinds
and Waterfalls. Johann was killed in 789 when a
mishap during a rehearsal of his Minuet for Violin
and Volcano. Fatalities like this probably explain the
general decline in popularity of classical music.
Popular Music
Popular music reached its peak during the life of
Elvis Flathead. For years following his first concert
in 841, fans would flock to see "the King" sway back
and forth to smash hits such as "You ain't nothing but
a hellhound," and "Love Is Blind."
42
Naturally, Elvis imitators abound, and those aspiring
stars who cannot sing quite as well as Elvis did can
be found in Borphee every winter, where the hills
come alive with the sounds of the most dreadful
singers in the Kingdom. This event, aptly named The
From Bad to Worst Songfest, allows those truly
terrible singers to gain recognition while vying for
the much-coveted prize of a pair of 18K gold
earplugs.
The following is a list of several holiday tunes likely
to be performed during that Songfest:
- Plover the River, and Frotz the Woods
- Dornbeasts Roasting on an Open Fire
- Winter Bozbarland
- Dwaarnyn the Dark Nosed Ur-Grue
- I'm Dreaming of a Black Cavern
- Good King Flathead
Appendix C - Double Fanucci
This is where our comprehension of Double Fanucci
becomes a little vague. Doing certain plays with
certain cards can either cause you to gain or lose
points, or cause your opponent to gain or lose points.
Clearly, some plays are to your advantage, while
others can be quite detrimental. Over the years,
Fanucci players have developed fond names for
certain of these plays, and a few of them are listed
here. Plays that are to a player's advantage are
marked as positive, and the number represents the
number of points that the play is worth.
Full Foozle Progression +4
Borphee Bluff +10
Oddzio Gambit +10
Zibble Ploy +10
Fublian Gambit -11
Frotzen Ploy +12
Accardi Variation +15
Golden Fromp Clause - 15
Unlimited Singleton Bids +16
Balsawood Convention +17
Zilbo Standard + 18
Porridge Variation - 20
Unrejuvenated Slamboozle +22
Doubleton Duck +21
Singleton in the 3rd Frame - 22
Inside Duo-Trick + 25
Royal Bid + 28
Shy Openers - 34
Egreth Convention + 35
Grand Slam Clause + 37
Festeron Feint +41
Segmented Shuffle +42
Bloodworm Defense +54
Zilbo's Half-Renege +56
Fanuccimeister + 60
Frotz Factor + 64
Kovalli Hustle +78
Forborn Chisel - 79
Antharian Attack - 81
Festeron Finesse +95
It should be pointed out that to accurately describe
the conditions necessary to execute these plays is
completely out of the question. An updated edition of
the Fanucci rule book is quite probably larger than
even the Unabridged Version of this Encyclopedia.
For now, all we can offer the reader are a few minor
points.
e Fanucci players at the Port Foozle Casino
typically play with the Revised Miznian Rules,
7th-Level Amendments, with the following
exceptions: No side-handling after an
underfunded discard, two draws after a
Skybreaker, and an extra muttonation if the
conditions of Rule 17.4.1.B are met.
e Other Fanucci house rules were adopted by the
Fanucci Casino Rebuilding Act of 817 GUE.
e By Rules Committee Amendment #493, the
game is suspended when one player's lead
exceeds 1241, and the game must be replayed in
its entirety, except during a Frotz Moon or in a
6-player game where at least 3 players are of
Mithican ancestry.
e Professional Fanucci players make use of a
handicapping system in which the better the
player is, the lower his handicap number.
Forburn the Wily, possibly the greatest Fanucci
player of all time, had a handicap of a mere 0.01.
Because this system of handicapping runs
contrary to other systems, it is believed that a
player's handicap is the number added to his
score at the start of the game. Thus a poor player
with a high handicap would start off with a high
score.
e Three undertrumps after an opponent's discard of
a Trebled Fromp is an indefensible gambit, and
is the only known way to win at Double Fanucci.
A ppendix D - Magic
[We are grateful to Popular Enchanting for their
permission to reprint the following A Brief History of
Magic, written in 927 by Gustar Woomax.]
43
The history of magic can be broken down into four
distinct periods: the Empirical Age, the Scientific
Age, the Industrial Age, and the Age of Guilds. Each
of these will be explored in some depth in order to
give the reader a sense of the course of events which
has shaped the use of magic in today’s society.
The Empirical Age
Primitive cultures had naturally assumed that the
disorderly nature of our world was due to such
supernatural causes as magic. With the founding of
the "natural" sciences, however, nature was
increasingly viewed as being orderly. As the sciences
progressed, the knowledge and lore of magic largely
disappeared. As early as the Sth century GUE (Great
Underground Empire), however, such students of the
mystic arts as Bizboz and Dinbar thoroughly
examined ancient writings on the subject. Bizboz
himself wrote what became the seminal work in
Thaumaturgy, "On the Presence of Incredibly Weird
Stuff Going On," in 473 GUE, in which he claimed to
have discovered "for-the-most-part Natural Rules" by
which this "Weird Stuff" is ordered.
This work was ridiculed by the leading scholars of
the time, leading to Bizboz's removal from the faculty
at the Galepath University, and, eventually, to his
tragic suicide in 475 GUE. His work, however,
encouraged others in the pursuit of magical
knowledge, with mixed results. Charlatans, claiming
to have created magical potions and powders,
regularly fooled the gullible population into buying
potions which claimed to do such things as "reverse
hair loss" and "draw Trebled Fromps in Double
Fanucci." Such appeals to public ignorance led King
Duncanthrax in 672 GUE to write the Unnatural
Acts, which provided stiff penalties for those
convicted of selling "Unnatural or Supernatural
substances."
The Scientific Age
While the charlatans were at work, serious students
took up the cause of magic, attempting to explain the
natural world as a by-product of the interrelated
workings of the sciences of Physics, Medicine,
Chemistry, Mathematics, and Thaumaturgy. Their
success in demonstarting the so-called first principles
of Thaumaturgy, namely Presence, Incantation, and
Unusual Effect, led to a loosening of the Unnatural
Acts to allow what became known as Scientific
Thaumaturgy. During this period, the first chapter of
the Guild of Enchanters was founded at the tiny
hamlet of Accardi-by-the-Sea by the great
thaumaturge, Vilboz.
During the reign of Frobwit the Flatter (701-727
GUE), the art and science of Thaumaturgy flourished.
The first reliably Incantation Device, known to
scholars as the Hyperbolic Incantation Concentrator,
was produced at the Thaumaturgical Institute in 723
GUE. The long, thin, portable device, nicknamed the
"magic wand" by the lay press, became an instant
sensation among the populace, and gained a certain
measure of respect for the fledging science.
A major advance in Thaumaturgy occurred when
Davmar, working in newly-crowned’ King
Mumberthrax Flathead's laboratory, discovered a
means by which Incantation could be stored on
special Presence-imbued paper. These so-called
scrolls were found, however, to be destroyed during
the spells' Incantation. Nonetheless, scrolls soon
replaced the temperamental and poorly-understood
"wand" as the primary means of Incantation.
The problem of imbuing Presence became a deterrent
to the rapid growth of magical science. The creation
of a single powerful scroll could take literally months
for even the most creative and productive thau-
maturge. This roadblock prevented the widespread
use of magic for generations.
The Industrial Age
The Industrial Age dawned in 769 GUE with a
discovery by a little-known thaumaturge named
Berzio. Berzio, working for years in his own self-
made workshop and often going for days without
food, drink, or sleep, created the means by which
Presence could be transferred from a scroll to a
specially impregnated paper by use of a simple spell,
which he named after his dog, Gnusto. This paper, in
turn, held the Presence even after the Incantation had
been finished, solving the major problem in spell
production. The euphoria which greeted this
discovery was tempered by the finding that very
powerful spells could not be transferred in this way.
Nevertheless, spell "books," which were capable of
holding dozens of spells, were produced in great
number, leading to the founding of a new industry.
Another advance in Thaumaturgy occurred with the
finding that certain liquids and powders could be
imbued with the magical Presence. Such potions are
of great interest, although their limitations have
prevented them from supplanting scrolls as the
primary method of Incantation. The first of these
potions, which obviates the need for food and drink,
was given the name BERZIO, in honor of the great
thaumaturge.
44
The Age of Guilds
As the use of magic became more prevalent, so did
the problems inherent in its use. Since magic had
become available to people in all professions,
conflicts arose. One famous issue involved the
question of whether the plumber's FIZMO spell
("cause stopped-up pipes to unclog") could be sold as
a digestive aid by physicians. The issue came to a
head in the aftermath of the Endless Fire of 773
GUE, so named because it burned for 4 weeks after
destroying the city of Mareilon. It was later found to
have been started by a civil servant who thought he
was casting the ZEMDOR spell ("turn original into
triplicate") but who, instead, cast the ZIMBOR spell
("turn one really big city into lots of tiny, little
ashes").
This led Lord Dimwit Flathead (the Excessive) to
issue a series of 5,521 edicts over the following few
weeks, which had the effect of severely limiting
access to magic (and, incidentally, lawyers).
Henceforth, all magic was entrusted to the various
Guilds of Enchanters, which by now existed in many
small communities. Each Guild, whose elders
comprised the so-called Circle of Enchanters, was
empowered to form schools for the training of new
Enchanters. This official sanctioning of the Guilds
led to the formation of numerous other chapters, with
membership in the various Guilds in excess of 2,000
by the year 800 GUE. Despite the fall of the Great
Underground Empire in 883 under the feeble-minded
reign of Wurb Flathead, the Guild of Enchanters
remains virtually unchanged in character today.
Today's Enchanter
Since the fall of the Empire, magic has again become
a mysterious art, practiced primarily by trained
Sorcerers, although a few spells, such as UMBOZ
("obviate need for dusting") and NERZO ("balance
checkbook"), have been approved for over-the-
counter sale. Upon graduation from an accredited
Thaumaturgical College, an Enchanter is given a
spell book with a few spells, none of which has great
power. As an Enchanter continued his or her studies,
new spells may be obtained; these may be copied into
a spell book for use whenever the occasion warrants.
The Enchanter's job is not as easy as is commonly
thought. An Enchanter must memorize a spell written
in a spell book before casting it. (Spells on scrolls
and those which have been permanently etched in the
memory by training needn't be memorized.)
Moreover, if an Enchanter needs to use a particular
spell twice, it must be memorized twice, since the
effort of casting it makes it a jumble in one's
memory. In fact, even a night's sleep will make an
Enchanter forget any memorized spells. But, in spite
of the rigors of spell casting, the personal rewards are
great, and the job of Enchanter remains a popular and
well-respected vocation.
An Afterthought
The most fitting words regarding the history of magic
were written over a century ago by the renowned
historian Ozmar in 821 GUE. He wrote: "The greatest
irony is this: that the ancients of our kind were nearer
to knowing the truth about Science than those who
called themselves Scientists. Science has taught us
much and given us new words for old mysteries. But
beneath these words are mysteries, and beneath them
more mysteries. The pursuit of Magic has given these
mysteries meaning and provided for our people great
benefits unrealized as yet by Science. One day,
perhaps, a great union will be formed between Magic
and Science, and the final mysteries will be solved."
Ozmar's optimistic predictions will not be realized in
our time. In 966 GUE, the Age of Magic came to a
sudden and unexpected demise. At the climax of an
intense struggle against an evil "twin", the Head of
the Circle of Enchanters was forced to permanently
alter/destroy the Cubes of Foundation upon which the
force of Magic depended. The Age of Magic came to
a close, and the reign of Science began. However, the
knowledge of magic was not lost forever. In the Final
Conclave of Enchanters, Y'Gael was able to use the
Coconut of Quendor to store the sum total of the
knowledge of the Age of Magic. It is hoped that the
Coconut, impervious to the passage of time, will
outlast the Age of Science and survive to an age
when Magic can thrive again.
For a more complete understanding of the events
leading up the end of the Age of Magic, please see
the following entries: Cubes of Foundation, Coconut
of Quendor, Final Conclave, and Enchanters' Guild.
Spells and Potions
Our team of researchers has been able to compile a
partial list of known magical spells and potions, listed
below. The exact nature of many of these magics
remain unknown.
Spells
Spells marked with a * are so powerful that they
cannot be GNUSTOed into a spellbook.
45
* aimfiz - teleport caster to someone's location
bayala - bodily deformation
blorb - safelt protect a small object as though in a
strong box
blorple - explore object's mystic connections
caskly - causes perfection
cleesh - change a creature into a small amphibian
conbak - build strong bodies 12 different ways
espnis - causes sleep
exex - make things move with greater speed
jaift - change appearance to look younger
* filfre - display gratuitous fireworks
fizmo - cause stopped-up pipes to unclog
foblub - glue audience to seats
Jripple - erect a magic barrier around a town
frotz - cause object to give off light
weep - turn caster into bat
gaspar - resurrect
* girgol - stops time
gloth - fold dough 83 times
gnusto - copies spells into a spellbook
* golmac - travel temporally
gondar - extinguish fire
grigpo - 2???
* guncho - banish someone to another plane of
existence
imali - worsen eyesight
izyuk - fly
jindak - detects magic
krebf - repair willful damage
* kulcad - dispel a magic spell
lesoch - cuase gust of wind
liskon - causes living things to shrink
lobal - sharpen hearing
malyon - bring life to inanimate objects
meef - wilt plants
melbor - protect magic users from harm by evil
beings
musdex - bodily deformation
nerzo - balance checkbook
nitfol - converse with beasts
nonav - navigation and boat-guiding aid
onkik - ???
otsung - erase spell written in book with GNUSTO
ozmoo - circumvent death
pulver - dry liquid
quelbo - ???
rezrov - opens locked or enchanted objects
stegaw - turn eggs into ripe guano
swanzo - exorcise an inhabiting presence
throck - causes plants to grow
tinsot - freeze water
tossio - turn granite to fettucini
umboz - obviate need for dusting
vardik - mind shield
vaxum - make a hostile creature your friend
vezza - view future
yimfil - 27?
yomin - mind probe
* yonk - augment the power of certain spells
zifmia - magically summon a being
zemdor - turn original into triplicate
zimbor - turn one really big city into lots of tiny, little
ashes
zooka - turn eggs into overripe cabbage
Potions
berzio - obviate need for food and drink
blort - see in dark places
fooble - increase muscular coordination
flaxo - exquisite torture
ignatz - ???
knalb - 2???
onbit - ???
sirano - speak in poetry
vilstu - obviate need for breathing
waldoe - ???
A ppendix E - World Religions
There are many varied and unique religions in the
Great Underground Empire. Some of these are
ancient and obscure, while others are simply strange
and confusing. The following is a description of the
known systems of faith, followed by various rituals
of unknown origin.
Brogmoidism
The followers of the tenets of Brogmoidism believe
that "Thou shalt worship the Great Brogmoid to thine
utmost, for upon his shoulder rests the world -- thus
he saveth us from plunging into the Great Void."
Having originated sometime in the fourth century, the
belief had lost most of its adherents by the ninth
century, when an adventurer was able to visit the
underside of the world, and actually witnessed the
existence of the Great Brogmoid. Apparently, a
similar Brogmoid stands on this world, supposedly
supporting a world above us. Unfortunately for
Brogmoid faithful, the last known worship site, in
Flatheadia, was destroyed in 883. Like many
religions, Brogmoidism was exposed to much
ridicule, particularly by Zorbius Blattus. For more
details, please see the entry on Brogmoids.
The Accardi Town Temple
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In the tenth century certain temples were used for
prayer and certain other religious ceremonies. All
that is known about these temples and the beliefs of
the worshippers within is that those who intruded in a
sacriligious violation of the ceremonies would be
killed by priests bearing dangerous sacred ornaments.
Demonism
The followers of the evil Krill who assumed control
of Largoneth castle held religious ceremonies in a
huge primitive temple. Krill was known to use the
altar in the temple as a site for human sacrifice to a
hideous statue that represents some unknown demon.
Implementors
A loyal cult has built up surrounding the ancient
legends telling of the creation of the world by these
Implementors, who supposedly created this world
and others like it as a test for others of their kind. The
Implementors, known to reside on the Ethereal Plane
of Atrii, do not discourage these rumors that the
world was created by them as a plaything, but they do
not seem to the overly creative types. On the
contrary, these minor deities spend all of their ample
free time on costly luncheons where gossip and sweet
nectars flow freely. For more information, please see
the entry on the Implementors.
The Land of the Dead
This very strict religious sect centered near the
former location of Flatheadia possibly has its origins
in a local religion already in existence before
Duncanthrax's invasion of the Eastlands. The major
tenets of this faith have been written down in a large
black book, a sort of Bible, and engraved in the walls
of the underground caverns where worship took
place. Followers of this religion seem to have been
very restricted in what they were free to do. For
instance, Commandment #12,592 strictly forbids
merely speaking the words, "Hello Sailor."
(Interestingly enough, that phrase is the motto of
Antharia. Some historians believe that Eastland
natives, fearing Duncanthrax's Antharian-based
invasion, wrote that particular commandment to
prevent the natives from contacting the invaders.)
Punishment for this offense, and for trespassing in the
temple, the place of worship, was to be sent to the
Land of the Dead for eternity. Conveniently enough,
the Land of the Dead, also known as Hades, was
actually quite close to the temple itself, deep
underground. A horrible desolation filled with
mangled bodies, Hades was once guarded by evil
spirits and wraithes. A daring adventurer was able to
perform a powerful ceremony involving certain
noises, lights, and prayers called upon an unearthly
power to exorcise the spirits.
Other tenets of this cult include the belief that
praying would get rid of small insects, absent-
mindedness and the picking up and dropping of small
objects.
For more information, please see the entry on Hades.
Heaven, Saints, and Angels
If we look at several seemingly unrelated sites around
the world, it seems that the last few centuries of the
Age of Magic might have seen the development of a
monotheistic belief system.
The first indication of the existence of this religion is
a fresco found in the Fenshire summer castle of the
Flatheads. This fresco depicts the death of
Duncanthrax in an optimistic light: the first king of
the Flathead Dynasty is shown rising to heaven
accompanied by a host of angels. This theme is
repeated in engravings that mark the tomb of the
Twelve Flatheads.
Another aspect of this specific religion is that
particularly holy men were elevated to the status of
Saint. Known examples are Saints Balhu, Foobus,
Honko, Quakko, Bovus, and Wiskus, all patron saints
of various aspects of daily life. (See individual
entries) Some of these saints were greatly admired by
the populace. Saint Foobus for instance had a
beautiful shrine in his honor built deep underground.
Complete with a stone statue of the saint, this shrine
was probably more than Foobus deserved.
Shrines like this were not the only site of worship for
the believers of this faith. At least two churches
existed in the last century of the Age of Magic.
However, the church in Festeron, Antharia, did not
have as faithful a congregation as the church in
Thriff. For example, when Thriff was threatened by
Christmas Tree Monsters in 966 GUE, the church
was filled day and night by believers engaged in
silent prayer to their god.
Services at this church were performed at an altar and
led by Cardinal Toolbox. The nature of the rank
Cardinal suggests that this religion was governed by
an extensive hierarchy, with Cardinal being at or
close to the top of a pyramid of people dedicated to
serving their god. It should be noted that the nature of
this god is still not understood.
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The Oracle of Bargth
Previous editions of this publication have described
the Oracle of Bargth as a silly little legend. It is now
known that deep underground, near the former site of
Flatheadia, lies an enormous serpent's head, with a
huge mouth hanging open in an expression of
insatiable hungerh. The Oracle has four glowing
eyes, and an enormous ruby in the center of its
forehead.
In earlier days this Oracle offered bits of wisdom to
believers, and even today those who command the
power of Bargth can be transported to either Fublio
Valley, Antharia, the Frigid River Delta, or the Gray
Mountains.
The Inquisition
The Inquisition was a crackpot religious sect that
briefly flourished and died in 883 GUE. Centered in
Port Foozle and several other sites around the world,
the followers of this sect believed that the impending
doom of the Curse of Megaboz was caused by
widespread sinning, and the only way to appease the
gods was to execute every person in the Empire. For
obvious reasons, the Inquisition never enjoyed a
widespread popularity. To this day it is not known
how many people lost their lives to this horrible cult.
Oddly enough, the vicious executioners in Foozle did
allow the victims one final wish. If the wish could not
be granted, the person was beheaded. If the wish
could be granted, it was, and the person was
subsequently hanged.
Rodent/Serpent Worship
The ruins of an age-old castle in the Eastlands are
home to one of the strangest discoveries of our time.
Deep inside this castle lies a ruined temple to a
forgotten god. Black basalt pillars line the way to a
tall basalt idol in the form of a huge rodent. This idol,
about twenty feet tall, has sharp fangs and one staring
opalescent eye. Chroniclers of magic have noted that
this crudely carved idol was the hiding place for one
of the Cubes of Foundation.
This idol might have also been the object of animal
sacrifices fed to a temple snake. An interesting facet
of this religion is that the temple snake was too well
fed. Its pride grew, and in declaring itself the greatest
of snakes, it was forced to swallow its own tail in
mimicry of the true master of serpents.
Unrelated Fragments
There are many random relics and assorted historical
notes that hint at the existence of complete religions
that remain unknown to us. What follows is a list of
these fragments.
1.
The 883 GUE edition of this Encyclopedia, in
the entry on the Four Fantastic Flies of
Famathria, mentions a flyswatter as a ceremonial
object from circa 671 GUE.
Fublio Valley, home to dozens of enchanters, is
the site of a cairn, or rock pile, of mysterious
magical or religious significance.
Lord Nimbus is the unsympathetic God of Rain
described in the platypus Legend of Wishbringer.
Idolism: The Miznia Jungle in the Westlands is
the location of a stone idol, carved in the likeness
of a giant crocodile. This monstrous idol is
approximately the size and shape of a subway
train, not counting the limbs and tail. The maw
hangs wide open, its lower jaw touching the
ground to form an inclined walkway lined with
rows of stone teeth. Attempting to traverse this
walkway will cause the mouth to close, leaving
the victim inside the idol, without an exit. There
are two possible explanations for the existence of
the idol. It could have been a sacrificial tool to an
ancient god, or, according to an old legend, it
could have been built by the evil Y'Syska as a
trap to guard the Crocodile's Tear, which rested
on the idol until 966 GUE.
Flatheadia: None of the Flatheads were
particularly religious, but that did not stop
Dimwit from building the largest chapel in all of
Quendor. Our researchers have not yet been able
to discover exactly what the faithful at this
chapel were supposed to be worshipping.
Engravings - The peoples of the world tend to be
illustrative by nature, and seem to prefer the use
of art rather than writing to express ideas. This
art takes the form of statues, frescoes, and
particularly engravings. These engravings can be
found almost everywhere one chooses to look.
The most famous example of wall carvings is
located underground in the Eastlands. It is there
that members of the cult of the Land of the Dead
expressed the major tenets of the cult via cave
engravings. Engravings were also used to tell
tales, such as the carvings depicting the Dungeon
Master, found near his underground realm. The
noted scholar I. Q. Roundhead wrote ten
volumes discussing these and other cave
engravings of the Great Underground Empire,
and concluded only that the ancient inhabitants
of those caverns were very strange people.
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